Journal

I think I am finally ready.  I think I have taken enough.  I think I deserve better.

I told my husband to leave.  I told him to take the kids.  I told him to file for the divorce as soon as possible.

I feel angry.  I feel hurt.  I feel betrayed.  I feel unloved.  I feel neglected.  I feel hate.  I hate how I have been treated.  I deserve better.  I am scared.  I feel doubt.  I hurt.

What a jumble!!  No wonder I what to go hide in my shows.  When I clean these feelings intensify.  Hubby wants me clean.  I don't want to.  All these years of conforming.............. trying so hard to please him.  I lost myself.

I hate.  I hate.  I hate.  The intensity is amazing and yet I would calmly say it.  Thinking it should be said with venom, but it is not.  Surely if it was that bad it would be.  But no.  Curious how things are.

I am angry.