Journal

Well, overall today went well..... I am in the process of (well actually just at the very beginning) ofapplying to get my new dog certified to be a Therapy Dog. He is great. Listens to most commands and is extremely gentle and loves love...... He drops to the ground while he is being pet. Anyways, I was worried about this as he is half it bull which says this on his paperwork... So, there would be no way to lie there. Here comes th lying by ommitting part. When I emailed the company and told them i was from WV they sent me back a lot of forms showing training places in VA that were 5 hours away! She then sent me papers to apply through having my vet do the "test" with me and sign off. Among other things references, tests(obvously) etc. I know if I told her that the Ohio border is 5 miles from my house she could probably find one in OH with in a couple of hours. My worry about that is that some of the things thy need the dogs to do are not whine if I leave the room, well, basically that is the only one oh and stay and let me walk away 20 feet without following me. I got this dog from a pound and he s the most gentle, loving kind dog I have ever met. (Good thing my Lab is asleep and can't read as she is right here beside me) I am scared if I go to one of their facilities they will fail us because of those two things. when I have several animal professionals wh are going to be my references.  I would hate to miss an opportunity to do something so good and rewarding because my dog might wine for me (being in a strange place) or come after me because he is my love.

Can I get by with ommitting this lie? It is for a very good worthwhile cause that will bring smiles to very sick people's faces.......

So, I am working in my "Gambling Addiction and Recovery" workbook and I have a task so to speak. I am not to lie at all for 5 days! I am sooo scared! What am I to do if someone says"does this make me look fat?" Does this count? I can't say "Why yes it does." I don't want to hurt anyone so maybe I will just be honest with myself, friends and family. I don't know.

Going to my Thursday volunteer tomorrow... I enjoyed it last week. Also, just emailed angie@hugsforsoldiers.org to adopt a soldier for care packages, cards, encouragement, etc. I am really into helping others (meaningfully) which is really helping my recovery.

Have to go to get some more blood work completed tomorrow. My thyroid is overactive and I need to go for more tests to see where the levels put out are at. so, I am a little worried as I really haven't had anything "wrong" with me in my 26 years. 'Wrong" as in health-health not in "CG, alcoholic help." LOL

GA has been great. Met a great person Kathy with whom we instantly connected and are what each other needs to get through this addiction. I have actually met a friend. Not a gambling "friend" or a drinking "friend." She has joined this group and is on my friends list if anyone wants to giver her a welcome shout. My LDG was 11/2 and her's was 11/5. We are walking together.

Well, in 13 minutes I will have completed my 17th day od sobriety from gambling and alcohol. I don't think I have gone this long without a drink since I turned 21. (Maybe a little before too) I feel good. I think about having a drink but I am scared it would lead me back down the gambling path. I feel as if my drinking got heavier as my gambling did. Before I would drink often but not to the point of no return as I did when I was gambling. I didn't have to "make it ok in my brain" when i wasn't gambling. I simply drank to have a few beers. If and when I will ever be able to seperate the two, I don't know. I don't know if I will ever even really want to have a drink again and risk all of the possibilities that may come with.  Time and counseling will tell. All I know is alcohol is not that important...... I was always fine at home or at a restaurant. It went down hill when I was at an establishment with machines that I got blitzed. It was my way of enabling myself.

Anyways, day 18 starting soon so I better catch some zzz's. Thank you to everyone who has given me support and please keep me in your prayers as I will you as well.

J