wanaBfree's Journal

i was doing so good. i was on my 6th straight day of not bingeing or purging. i just missed my goal and now i have to start all over. i am really upset about this. i know that i can do it. i guess i just let my depression and lonliness take over and dominate me. when i started to binge it was like it was an out of body experience. i remember swallowing every ounce of that junk ,but i dont remember chewing,tasting,or smelling it. i just seemed to absorb it. when my sister was a toddler and she would do something bad she would always say, it was the devil in my head. i thought about that because that is alot like i felt. it wasn't me. sure it was my body, my mouth,but it really wasn't me. it was a demon telling me go on eat, you know it's the only thing that cares for you. you're not worthy of love from real people. food is your only comfort.  then i preceed to go to the bathroom to throw up. this is not the life that i want. i know i am capable of being a self caring,healthy, happy person. i've just seemed to have lost her somewhere in the hustle and bustle of day to day life. i have got to find her and bring her back where she belongs. i miss that candice.