Urgh:( feels like shit
November 8, 2009 7:28am
I feel like shit and I don't really know why. I don't know whether to quit my band. I have gained so much fucking weight im gunna get a …
Progress
45 %
porcelainzombie89
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About Me
porcelainzombie89
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About Me
Hi my name's Laura. I'm on this site basically for support and a place to rant until my hearts content like an open diary to hopefully get a better perspective of how I feel over the days etc.. I'm having a really hard time at the moment from being kicked out of my house and my life feels really screwed up. I suffer from depression and anxiety, I get nervous a lot really badly and have made an idiot of myself loads of times. I think I might have some sort of panic problem. I don't really know what to say other than I feel like I've lost the plot lately and get really horrible overwhelming feelings.. Other than that I would say I'm a sweet girl just trying to do the best for myself in life and get to where I want to be. I feel like the moment I joined my band I started a journey of self discovery and change and am trying to open myself so much so that I can find who I am. It's hard to explain but I feel like maybe I'm just growing up or I have basicly lost the plot with the mindfuck that goes on in my head. Lol.
Hi my name's Laura. I'm on this site basically for support and a place to rant until my hearts content like an open diary to hopefully get a better perspective of how I feel over the days etc.. I'm having a really hard time at the moment from being kicked out of my house and my life feels really screwed up. I suffer from depression and anxiety, I get nervous a lot really badly and have made an idiot of myself loads of times. I think I might have some sort of panic problem. I don't really know what
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Interests
I love music, I have just discovered a new love for singing in front of people which is my biggest achievements yet as I've alway sstruggled talking in front of large groups of people. I absolutely adora dancing. I like doing make up and giving people make up advice as its what I do at college.
I love music, I have just discovered a new love for singing in front of people which is my biggest achievements
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Recent Activity
November 8
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porcelainzombie89 wrote a journal entry: Urgh:( feels like shit 7:28am
I feel like -- and I don't really know why. I don't know whether to quit my band. I have gained…
August 15
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porcelainzombie89 turned 20 12:00am
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Journal
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I feel rly low
October 13, 2009 6:37am
Feel rly crap today I don't know why.. I think its just the same old thing, cnt rly figure out why im in a hostel.. I had an argument wiht my …
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I feel like a dick!
October 8, 2009 6:49pm
Today I had college. It was really good. I managed to use the air brush properly and made what I thought was a really kool and outstanding make up! I …
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Feeling anxious
October 6, 2009 4:52pm
I'm feeling anxious about a lot. A lot is plaguing my mind. First of all I am thinking about going to university to do a degree in media make up. …
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General
September 24, 2009 4:31pm
I feel I've been doing okay the last few weeks up until last week. I've noticed when I get in weird bad moods my room starts to look like a …
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Hugbook
High Five
Go for the gold. Put your heart and soul and it will happen maybe slow going,hills to climb. But the end result self esteem, inspiration to others,and a simle on your face. I'm behind you 110 percent.
Hug
Well im glad you are doing well, that makes me happy. we just past each other on MSN. so hope to chat more, i enjoy chatting, ive started, started on Monday. things are going well. just starting out, some tresses but just getting on with it. keep strong, you are doing so well......
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Hug
Hey Laura, how are you? really hope your well.......been upto much? sorry for not chatting much. you know im here for you, all you need to say, like if you need to chat, come on here or leave me a message on msn......
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Hug
The deal with it, that I was waiting for a letter from uni, but i think i can begin to sort this with what I have, I have another letter, no as detailed but may do the job. Family sucks hun, i am making an effort to get out of my roon and be around them but my parents just pile on and say things. so i just stay in my room.
Yep I should be on Laura, if im not, come on DS and message or hug me. I always tend to be on the computer most nights. that would be fun with the texting. let me know on that and tomorrow will be cool, just deep breathes. had a great counselling session which i learnt more things, especially on the whole "people are looking at me" situations, you will do great, I know it...... -
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weird I know, no havent sorted out the funding yet, just need to sort that out soon. aww good luck, remember if you need to text, like we said, send me your number if you do get the phone, plus like you said we can chat most nights, i think the best way we can prgress, is whilst we are doing things like college/uni. we can look at what we are doing.......love ya......
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI suffer from low mood. I have suffered depression before but got over it. I mainly feel it when I wake up, it has improved tho. I excessively worry about everything 24/7. I go blank alot of the time and I get these feelings of feeling lost and as if im not real, those are the worst. I take citaolpram but I always run out and don't take it regularly..
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Works! It's nice to get in a relaxed place with urself to reduce ur anxiety and have a different perspective over things.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- I try to be as positive as I can.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I see my college councellor. I say it works but I always forget to say all that I wanted to say, about all the weird things I think about.
- Talking Working / Worked
Close Anxiety
I have come to the point where I feel like I've given up on myself, all I do is panic and obsess over things and things I used to be able to do with ease for exampple, hand out cvs, talk to random ppl, I can't i feel to embarressed and no confidence, I have had anxiety attacks in front of this guy and i cnt seem to forget about how embarressing it is and i nt understand why i do it. urgh
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- meditating temporarliy works!!
- Talking Working / Worked
Open Shyness
I have always been shy, it went away I was really outgoiong and now im back to painfully shy, my head feels like a basketball when im with ppl i wish i cud be otugoing and not miserable
Treatments
- Self-esteem Working / Worked
- I'm trying to work out way which will ACTUALLY help my selfesteem and not feeling like such a burden to everyone and shedding all my negativity
