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zoegirl8195 
11:29am, June 1, 2009
So I had nothing to do for Halloween and decided to answer questions on Yahoo! and what a mistake that was. It made me decide to answer my own longing question. A few months ago I had a small skin colored round object come out of me and it scared me so bad that I had quickly flushed it before even showing my boyfriend (now ex). Well I decided to see if I could figure out what that was. What I had thought would be as simple as something to do with uterus lining or such. Then I came across a picture of a human embryo and tears started falling. Withing seconds google was showing me hundreds of pictures of what I had seen that day. I sat here sobbing. I had a baby, my ex and I had a love child, a product of our love, and I had killed it somehow. My body rejected that baby and then I didnt even give it a decent ending out of this world. My world has now fallen like an expensive vase onto the concrete 50 feet below. The peices appear impossible to put back together. I've called my ex and all he can say is that it's for the best and we werent ready to have kids anyways. He doesn't get it... It's not about if we were ready or not, it's the fact that we had a baby, there was an actually 1 month old embryo growing inside of me that was created by his sperm and my egg and had taken to my hospitable uterus. Then it became inhospitable, and killed it. And now, just now, when I would have a newborn baby in my arms I am just finding out because I was "scared". I was ignorant and that can't be excused. My baby is gone and I cant get it back. I've wanted a baby so long and I would have done anything for that baby, but what did I end up doing? Killing it and flushing it! I feel like such a monster. I'm 26 and feel like a 16 year old having to call her ex and now I have to figure out how to tell my mom and what to do next about telling my doctor. Do I wait for my December GYN checkup or call them to get me in right away? I am just an emotional mess right now. And all I want.... is my baby back, and I have no way to do that. 
Comments
I am sorry for your loss but please know that there are many things that cause miscarriages and you did NOT kill your baby. There is very little we can do to the end the life of the one growing in us, besides illegal drugs and excessive alcohol consumption! You did not do anything wrong. Hang in there. I would call your doctor and explain all this to her before deciding anything else. I am here if you need someone to talk to. I have lost 4 babies in 10 months. It is not an easy thing to go through. Again, I am sorry for your loss.
lvnikita
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with lvnikita....there's nothing you did to harm your baby. There are so many things that can go wrong while that little baby is growing, and a lot of times a woman's first pregnancy ends this way. It's so sad and unfair and we're left questioning our own bodies, we feel betrayed and confused and SO alone. Even though you didn't realize right away that you were pregnant, it doesn't take away the pain you're feeling right now. It was a baby, it was YOUR baby, and losing it has a very profound effect on your life. I'm sorry your ex was so cold about it, but men don't always take a loss the way we do. They aren't connected with the baby the same way, even though they're the fathers they still don't have that bond that we share. Even if it does hurt them, sometimes they can't show how they feel. Men have this desire to be strong, and showing "weakness" can be hard for them.
I think it would be best to just tell your mom straight up what happened. She'll probably be more understanding than you think, and it helps to have a shoulder to cry on. I would tell your doctor as soon as you can. As hard as it may be do discuss it with the doctor, they'll need to examine you to make sure that there isn't any tissue leftover, which could cause an infection (which sucks, believe me!!). Again, I'm very sorry this happened to you, but you've come to the right place for support. We all know how you're feeling, and we'll help you through this. *hugs*
kokomokers
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had two pregnancies that both ended in losses, and am currently pregnant again. Let me assure you as many others have I'm sure, that you did nothing wrong. With my second pregnancy, I miscarried a week after I found out I was pregnant, and I never was able to see the baby or anything. What happened was not your fault, and you didn't know. Don't be so hard on your self. If you need anything, let me know!
momtonoah