Join Now
HeatherLymes 
1:15pm, July 30, 2009
I just called my therapist. I can't handle this. All she does is kick me when I am down. I cant believe she started screaming at me to "get the fuck better and that I am a loser. I can't handle this. I know I dont need her but sometimes I want to call her to get validation. I keep thinking that maybe this time she will be nice to me or care. Instead she calls me a pathetic and just writes me off. Its amazing how far I have come from my abusive family background but why??? Why did I have to get lymes? Its just making me weak, unable to work and vulnerable. PLEASE god help me! Protect me from my mother and help me see her as someone that is sick and sufffering.
Comments
My young new friend. It is unfortunate that your mother is incapable of giving you what you need. I think you should be on your guard around her for the time being. It's so sad really. Such a sad situation all around.
Your mother sounds like a tough lady. She probably had a whole course of life events all set out for you, the ideal scenario for her perfect daughter and you were to be the star of the show. You almost made it, but due to real life getting in the way, you haven't quite lived up to her expectations. She feels that by pushing you at every possible opportunity, you will somehow heed her (warped) wisdom and magically complete your transformation into her perfect ideal. It's sad that she is so stubborn and ignorant that she can't let go of her long held ideals and give you the support you need. To do that would be to have to accept her "less than perfect" child and she just can't do that. So she badgers you, as if a poke with a cattle prod will spark you to consciousness and you will jump on that treadmill and start running again.
What you need to think about is that we are all products of our environment. Even your mother is a product of her environment. So somewhere along the lines she learned that sympathy = weakness and the best way to get the results you want is to get someones dander up. I feel sad for her because she is missing so much of life's richness. Her soul must writhe in torment and no one has been able to realize that, care or help. That, or she is just plain ignorant.
You need to protect yourself. You need to realize that your mother just can't be the comfort you seek. You need to center yourself. Create a safe place for you to be. Pamper yourself and give yourself the comfort you need. I hate to suggest heaping further hurt upon you right now, but you must stop looking to you mother for support. Do you know what is meant by "die the death of a thousand cuts"? Every time she lashes you with her disapproval, you suffer another cut. You need to stop this activity. You need time to heal your heart as well as the Lymes.
Sad but true.
GG
GardenGnome
GG is so right. I couldn't help but notice that this sounds a lot like my mom. Over the years, I have accepted her for who she is and with the help of my husband and a therapist established firm boundaries. I've come to understand that she came from a large family and was probably ignored.
Now that I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot change her and that I also not tolerate anymore abuse, we are truly moving into a stage in our relationship where I really enjoy her company. I love my mom -- mean side and all -- but that comes with the territory. And I have to accept it if I'm going to be around her.
Your mom will come around and accept you. Be strong and firm. It took me a while to do this, but once I did, I can't figure out why I didn't sooner.
FeelingRough