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HeatherLymes 
1:15pm, July 30, 2009
I think I am getting so frusterated with everyone because everyone views me as a complete bitch these days. Its not that I want to be mean its just that I feel like everything is hopeless. Im saddened by the fact that I can barely add numbers, drive a car or remember the date or anything else. I am almost grieving the fact that I was a brilliant student and now cant even do 1/12th of what I want to do in life. Its been such intense grieving through this past month that I just cannot go through the days. My abx caused me to relapse pretty badly and from other sufferors I am realizing that conventional abx is a disaster waiting to happen. Many have said it hides symptoms and then months, years later you are back to where you started.
Oh God, Im praying that I finally get through this intense relapse Ive been experiencing this month. Its been so bad that I dont even know how to put a shirt on some days. My family just doesnt understand and I know that they never will. They think I am lazy and its almost laughable because I was always first and top in my class, workaholic etc. Now Ive amounted to barely that.
Im praying that what I am doing these days with this new natropath does the trick and works. Im scared to death of staying like this for years. This disease has to go. Once I get over this I am moving to a place where there are less occurances to lyme. I would never wish this upon my worst enemy.
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Past Entries
Oh Heather, your pain comes thru so much in this journal entry. I am SO SORRY about what you've lost - and pray that it's temporary. My Lyme was primarily neurological, too; and I went from being a kick-a$$ project manager at work and a black belt candidate in karate.
I lost my ability to do both. You say it's almost like mourning, I would say it's EXACTLY like mourning. And of course it scares us to death that this might be permanent.
I know we each will have our own unique path back to health, but I can unequivocally tell you that it IS possible to regain what you've lost. I have.
I was so concerned about losing my mind and not being able to recognize my husband and daughter, that I actually talked to my husband about what would happen in that case. Or I tried; he refused to "go there".
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that your current approach does the trick for you. Hang in there, there IS reason for hope.
Jenn
UechiWoman
I hate this disease too. I hope you get on a program that can cure you. Let me know where you end up -- a place where Lyme is not a concern. I may have to pack a bag too! BTW, my mom thinks the same about me. She saw my big bottles of prescription antibiotics and flipped out. So did my husband. Do what you have to do to get well. No matter what anyone thinks. My husband wanted me off so I tried for a while -- I'm still off all meds and doing okay. He then said to go back on if I started feeling poorly. I did and I guess I just couldn't take the herxing. So I'm still off and now treating "symptoms" . . .
Good luck with the new doc. I think you're on the right path! My intuituion does at least.
FeelingRough