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CarlF 
Got through my birthday OK. We are so strapped we're not buying kleenex now. Always take a week of my vacation around this time since my wife's b-day is the 19th, then our daughter Libby's is the 28th and mine is the 31st. Usually we go somewhere together, my wife and I, if only some over-nighter. This year it was stupid. She went to Salen with two girlfriends for the day, I went to Portland to visit my daughter for a few days. Spent this whole week thinking of things to do, all of which required money. A cup of coffee through the drive through was a big deal. Usually I have SOME spending money. This was so stupid. As the week progressed I got more and more angry. Finally my birthday came yesterday and they called from work to see if I was interested in working Sunday the last day of my vacation. I was angry that my vacation had been a parade of frustrations, and that I was faced with a choice of working on the last day of it. I didn't call in to agree to work, which, in view of our finances would've been important to do, and had to deal with the guilt of it all. Now as I read my own words it occurrs to me that if someone else complained like this, I'd tell them to look at the things about the vacation that were positive. Now I feel guilty for being so negative, so ungrateful for what I have. Stupid. My mind is like a car with its steering pulling to the right-you know where the ditch is. I'm so prone to go there sometimes. I cannot talk about these things with my wife. She fled California to get away from an angry, negative man and she cannot abide anything remotely similar. There are no friends I can share these feelings with. Trouble is that so many in my life need the part of me that is positive and supportive and strong. This is a real benefit already, this ability to write these feelings down, more importantly that SOMEONE WHO CARES might read this and actually say hey I'm here and I get it, is more benefit than I could ask. Thanks to the first one who responds, thanks to all who even read this message in a bottle! :)
