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nighttripper926 
I had a very helpful talk session with my current bf on Columbus Day weekend and was just randomly reflecting on it today. We spent the day at a local fair where I basically spent the day hanging out with one of the guys who raped me because he's a friend of all my friends. I didn’t want to call him out in front of everyone. It’s a situation where he probably doesn’t even realize what he did because I protested minimally and gave up very quickly and he just probably thought nothing of it. That’s not to say he didn’t do anything wrong. I did say no and try to pull his hand away, but I could have been firmer. And I stand firmly to my thoughts that calling him out on it would not change what happened or make it better in any way it would just make one more person’s life suck.
I was real upset the whole day and my bf was like what in the world is wrong with you. I told him after we left and went home that that was the guy who did it and he just had murder in his eyes. He almost went back to the faire to look for the guy, but he held his anger and me for a long time, a couple hours. I was just crying so hard and yelling that I was a dirty little whore and what does my bf want with me cause I’m so nasty and so on. At one point we took a shower, because that’s what I like to do when I’m upset. I was still crying and I was trying to wash the whore off of myself, or something else equally as crazy, and he was very supportive. He forced me to stop washing myself, which I realize sounds odd but was really sweet. He wasn’t even hard, which I imagine is difficult for a 17 year old boy to accomplish in a shower with a girl. Then when I was a little calmer he gave me a nice clean back massage and snuggled me sweetly.
That really was the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me and it makes me happy to think about it so I thought I would think of it some more to lift me up.
