DAY 1 This is the beginning of …
DAY 1 This is the beginning of what I hope will be the next best part of my life. I struggle with an addictive …
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emptyluck 
10:40am, February 27, 2009
Mom Just took the kids to her house for a few minutes to pick up something and I am in a quiet house with no one home, This used to be my most favorite time, because I could casually go sit out on the porch and enjoy a cigarette. I never smoked in front of my husband or the kids so I went through so much sneaking around to keep up my habit. So why do I miss it?? I feel so much less stressed not having to hide from them anymore. I am still however dealing with how to satisfy these cravings, What are these cravings for?? I think they are a cigarette but it is more just pleasing myself. I need to dig into that one and figure out how to cope here. So I am still going to enjoy this time, just I don't need to find enjoyment into doing things behind peoples back .....
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Wow - I can't believe I understand exactly how you feel. Me, too. It's weird that I like to have a dirty lil secret! My gambling addiction was horrendous! I had to lie to everyone about where I'd been, what I was doing, it was just awful. My ugly, lil secret. Almost as if I was cheating on my hubby, I was, only it wasn't with a human, it was with a machine. I always smoked outside. In the past when I tried to quit smoking, I'd end up sneaking around like a kid trying to hide the fact I started up again - not easy to hide that one, it stinks :p I use to be afraid of being alone in my home, I didn't like my own company at all. I'm getting better at it, starting to like, even love myself. Starting to get to know me, sneaky ol' me...lol...I don't have to live like that if I don't want to, and I don't want to. Done with gambling, done with cigs, too! Woo Hoo! Happy, free, smober!
Moyer
I can relate to this in regard to my gambling - this was my secret - when no one else was around I could hide infront of machines and no one would know. It was my little something for me! - rubbish! I stop and now I have time to myself - hours to fill, some days I wonder how but I do fill them. I enjoy life more now and I am more present in my world. hugs to you today Suzi
Auzgurl