emptyluck's Journal

I feel really refreshed this morning. The best wakeup I think since I quit smoking. In the back of my mind I do think about the gambling urge that will come back once I go a week. I told Hubby I wanted to do a Ban and he made it clear he disagrees and does not want to go wit me. I don't know if he is ashamed or just doesn't care. He is not want to be ashamed so I am thinking the other ofcourse. I did do my part, he clearly knows now that I am telling him I have a problem but this is about me and what I need to do.  I know that and I am going to march in there and place a ban on my going there. I am very scared to do it because I will have a large sum of Money in my hand today when I go there. But it is time to step up to the plate. It is money I can't afford to lose. I don't want to go to my credit cards that I worked so hard to pay off. hmmmm, I should leave them home when I go. I do feel refreshed today and I am going to run with that. I hope I can buy some good merch today and handle confrontation . My best friend who I taught my entire business , has stabbed me in the back and now is my compettition, She now knows all my strategies and stomps in the very places I showed her so it is very very awkward and I been trying to avoid it but you know I have been there first and I can't not walk away, this is what I love to do and what I am made of. To her it was all about the Money, Money, Money. I am not going to walk away. I am running with my day. A new , responsible, caring , confident, independant woman. It is going to be a great day and There will be no cigarettes and no slots. AMEN.