starting back at rock bottom
July 28, 2009 1:13pm
well since my brother died on july 10th this year, i quit my job in lovington, left my botfriend to be here back in farmington with my family. i am …
sadsilva83
12:40am, July 25, 2009
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About Me
sadsilva83
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About Me
I am 25 going on 26. i am a single mother of one little boy. I am in college and always looking for a better job and a better man. i fear i will never find them. I am not a girly girl unless i am hanging out with the girls. majority of my friends are guys becuase i feel less judged and that i can be myself around them. i love anything that will scare the pants off me! But not in reality only in books movies and all the unreal scarey stuff...
I am 25 going on 26. i am a single mother of one little boy. I am in college and always looking for a better job and a better man. i fear i will never find them. I am not a girly girl unless i am hanging out with the girls. majority of my friends are guys becuase i feel less judged and that i can be myself around them. i love anything that will scare the pants off me! But not in reality only in books movies and all the unreal scarey stuff...
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Interests
I am interested in scarey movies, because I guess i am a little demented, I like blood and pain, and i like to see death too. Also i love heavy metal, death metal music, it seems to match my demented personality. but i am also very funny, so i like to do other things too, but my depression makes that hard to do.
I am interested in scarey movies, because I guess i am a little demented, I like blood and pain, and
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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death to the great
July 22, 2009 8:51pm
It was friday the 10th at 10:30 pm when my 21 year old brother was struck by a truck and was killed instantly. all i can think of is why, why noy me …
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I founf a real one this time.
February 1, 2009 9:56pm
A JOB THAT IS! I found a good job. i make 9.50 an hr. and i work overnights almost completly alone. so it is quiet and i have time to spend with my …
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update on the life...
December 25, 2008 5:44pm
Well the past two weeks have been nice. being at home with family is very tireing tho. i am always cleaning and doing small things for my …
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what's going down!!!
November 23, 2008 5:19pm
Okay so saturday me and my son went to a birthday party at chuckey cheeses. OMG! so many many children running a muck there. and there were so many …
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Hugbook
Flower
I was off this site for quite a while. hope to be around more...
Chocolate
Take care of you---
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Thumbs Up
It is good to see YOU! HUGS
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Hug
beautiful picture! and you don't LOOK "SAD" in it! good to "see" you!
Hug
The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those that cannot fly...much love, Jose
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Anemia
Type: Iron Deficiency Anemiawell i was told when i was pregnent that i was low iron, so i had to take iron pills and then after i had my child i was still low iron, and today still am. i don't know why, could be my poor diet through out my life.
Treatments
- Iron Somewhat Helpful
- well i guess it worked, but it is too expensive to keep buying.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressiondepression for +ten yrs. untreated most of my life. self medicate to feel better. so i dont feel the pain anymore.
Treatments
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- worked at one point when i took it
- Paxil Working / Worked
- this one was crazy
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- i amdoing very well at this one with counseling myself
- Zoloft Not Working
- made me sick
Open Meth Addiction & Recovery
5 years doing meth, recently had a relapse. staying inside cutting myself off from the world again. why is it so hard for me to say no after being recovered for 4 years?
Open Self-Injury
been doing this since i was 19 yrs old quit for about 6 mos, bad break up and started back again. i need to feel it, take away emotional pain and get high doing it, adreneline kicks in and makes you feel great. addiction!
Treatments
- Rubber Bands Somewhat Helpful
- has worked before but it is not the pain i wanna feel
Open Anxiety
anything can do it, not doing drugs, being outside, being crowded, getting irritated by someones company, waiting, not being where i wanna be.
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- this is the one i want again, i know this worked
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- only so much
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- i loved this
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- used for depression
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- used for sleep disorder
- Xanax Working / Worked
- self medicated this one, love it
Open Bisexuality
o love it, have much fun with it, i want a husband and a wife.....
Open Breakups & Divorce
i was in a relationship for two years, whuch is a long time for me. this man was bipolar and never took his medication, we were really never doing good, and we moved outta state and i told him that i did'nt love him anymore and he then destroyed everything i owned. whats up with that.
Treatments
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- makes me feel good about my decision
Open Foster Care
I was in and out of foster care before i was a teenager, i am now 25 yrs old, and i had a great experiance there, ecept i was seperated from my brothers.
Open Alcoholism
My dad started me on drinking when I was 13 yrs old. ever since I have been drinkning. sometimes i drink for the buzz and sometimes I drink for the depression. I rarely get wasted anymore now that I have been a mom for four yrs. I crave it all the time....
Treatments
- AA Meetings Not Working
- never worked, made me crave it more
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Siblingmy 21 year old brother was killed in a car accident july 10th 2009
Treatments
- Crying Not Working
- Getting Angry Not Working
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- Music Not Working
- Poetry Somewhat Helpful
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- Remembering Somewhat Helpful
- Talking Not Working
Open Loneliness
i guess because since my brother died and i left my recent boyfriend i am feeling like a piece of my heart is missing.
