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BaBeeGhurl 
Volunteering at the Lighthouse for the Blind today. Something to get me out of the house. It worked. Anxiety creeps in when I am in unfamiliar surroundings. Guess that's normal, but I don't like it. It makes me twitchy. Sometimes, people seem nice at the onset, but their true colors come forth fairly quickly. I see, to notice control issues quite a bit in others. That's probably because I'm controlling, too. Subtley, but still controlling.I've started knitting a new scarf--sort of a crimson/cranberry color. One day after work, I was sure that would make me happy--to have a red scarf. I am making it in a checkerboard pattern. Looks nice so far.
After I leave here, I'm not sure where I'll go. It seems I am always shopping for food, though. I want to go eat something, but not sure whether or not that's nerves or real hunger. I started the day off with lots of hope and happy feelings. The Lighthouse is not new to me--I started volunteering to read for their blind radio broadcast years ago, in hopes of gaining experience to fulfill my dream of doing voiceovers. Went as far as taking a class in voice talent, but never made a demo. I had one actual job doing voice work for a former friend's husband. The job went well, but what ensued afterwards did not.
I may go home and take a nap. I may go to the store beforehand and buy ingredients for lemon poppy seed cake, which was a hit with my son, his friend, and my neighbor last week. Might also make Pastor Ryan's Mexican Lasagne, which is time-consuming, but very worth the effort! My time for volunteering is drawing to a close...
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Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm a little scared. I want to be able to go to school and not have any slip-ups. Last year wasn't such a good eyar for school. I kept dropping classes. Earned one "F". This year, I hope to be better at school. Just keeping my mind focussed and not letting my 'real life' get in the way of what I dream for myself. Weight loss and more credits that will one day transfer to a 4-year college. Music/Social Work double major (?) with a Health minor (?)...still unclear about my specific direction, but hopeful that it will come together in the end. Excited about the 10k walk/run coming up in June. I know by then I will have lost a significant amount of weight. I will feel better about myself in the world. My sleep will be better and my skin will have improved from the working out. My health conditions will have imporved, too. My blood sugar will be more in control as will my high blood pressure. I will have met nice people who are like-minded about health. I will have also met a group of people who like to go out occassionally and have fun together. Non-judgemental people! Accepting of theirselves and of their friends. Forgiving and compassionate. As I write these words, I realize that I will need to become like that I wish to minifest in my life. I want to journal every day and read the Bible every day as well. Take care of myself as second nature instead of looking at basic care and maintenance as an unwelcomed chore. Love myself., forgive myself, be compassionate towards myself--I can then bring these qualities into my world and share them with others.
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good keep up the good thoughts. they works
also. have a great day!!!
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Everything you're writing about shows that you are moving your life into a very postivie direction - kudos to you for that! I am going to join WW because I have that goal too. I can't run, as I have MS and impaired mobility. I like your double major idea - we don't know sometimes what we really want until we start exploring it more deeply. Keep up the good work on all fronts, physical, emotional and spiritual!
Hugs,
She
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You are just moving right ahead with your good attitude, and I am very proud of you. You keep up the good work and attitude. I will be pulling for you each day Love Peggy
It's cooooold outside! BRRRR! The day's been alright, so far. My co-worker is a lot of fun and we can talk like the mature women that we are...hahahah...not that we are sooo mature, but there are no games or the need to hide true feelings. I like it when I can share freely with someone. I have been reading a book about how to deal with the stressed out people in your life. In particular, the case I'm reading about is where a woman changed jobs about a long time. She wanted to start fresh in another place and also not make the same mistakes she'd made in other jobs. I could definately relate to that! I have grown so much in this job, It's almost been worth the pain! This year, I would like to have more balance in my lief. so I won't grab for the food when I'm feeling anxious, depressed, sad or bored. Balance in eating, sleeping, relaxing, playing, praying, thinking...overall balance. On the floor in my bedroom lies a stack of various books from the library. My sould wants to change and grow, but my flesh is weak and unwilling to move at times. A lot of books on retiring or hainvg a good second part of my life. Books on living a more authentic life--without so much STUFF--with more of what matters. That what matters to me and not the ideas I got from parents, peers, or children. I need to find myself again.
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I so resonate with what you just wrote; wanting to change, and grow. I am a reader too, and have stacks of books and magazines (I subscribe to 5, and three newsletters) by my bed. The only way to live your dream is to take slow, sure steps in that direction, always keeping the end goal in mind. Visualize it, talk to people who are doing what you want to do. I'm behing you 110%! One caveat - never quit a job until you have another one lined up - it's easier to get that job if you're still employed!! I know about workplace stress - I had a horrific experience in a govt. job - my last one! Keep your eyes on that dream, girl!!
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GREAT DAY!!!!!
wildaL
You sound in good spirits. Coping with things as well as you can.I think you are heading on an upward way,/ I hope you can keep moving the waay you are. love Peggy
grndmudder