Last Day
April 24, 2009 11:48am
This will be my last writing for a few monthes. Sunday i will be journeying on my way to treatment. Wish me luck! Hopefully when i get back, i will …
Goal Completed on Apr 19, 09
LOVEandVITA 
3:50pm, April 24, 2009
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About Me
LOVEandVITA
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About Me
Dreary and cold. Alone and afraid. Things you dont need to know. Who to trust when all who you do hurt you? Pain. Torture. Abuse. Eating Disorder. Cutting Extremes. Lies. Betrayal. Poetry. Hate. Anger. Needing Love. The world is screwed up and so is my body. Been looked at as an object though im a human being. Wish i was never born. Whats left for me in this world? The typical sob story, the typical broken heart. The not so typical girl.
Dreary and cold. Alone and afraid. Things you dont need to know. Who to trust when all who you do hurt you? Pain. Torture. Abuse. Eating Disorder. Cutting Extremes. Lies. Betrayal. Poetry. Hate. Anger. Needing Love. The world is screwed up and so is my body. Been looked at as an object though im a human being. Wish i was never born. Whats left for me in this world? The typical sob story, the typical broken heart. The not so typical girl.
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Website
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Dark Humor. *May be taken Offensively *
April 23, 2009 2:55pm
Come on, we all need to laugh at our disorders! You may not like this but it brightened my day! I loved it! So, please, no rude comments about this. …
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:'(( Tears Won't Stop
April 22, 2009 10:32am
Why does it have to be this hard? I just had to let go of a very close friend. I love him very much. But i can not do much until im 18, including …
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Hunger Strike.*Trigger Content*
April 21, 2009 9:34am
GRR...
i hit the back button so my original journal entry for this was erased. whatever.
im in such a bad mood. Fuck it. Fuck it all. Im …
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Couldnt Breathe!-**Trigger Content**
April 20, 2009 10:26am
Worst flashbacks i've ever had last night. i was laying down talking on the phone and i started to see my dad standing over my bed with a knife. …
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Hugbook
Hug
just wondering how you are doing..... r u home home yet?? message me when you can...xoxo
Hug
Hey sweetie, thanks for your friendship offer but I'm not very active on DS anymore and don't take any more friends. But I would love to message with you if you want to. I read in your journal that you are going into treatment. I wish you the best and hope that you will recover and return to a happier life. As for your question on my pic, yes I am still at this weight. Thinking about IP myself.
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Get Well Soon!
Call me or send me an email and let me know what happening and how you feel....beyondscars7@aol.com or call Friday 3-5 or 8-9 EST PM talk to you soon...sorry to hear you cut....tomorrow is a new day
Good Luck
Oh, thats not good.
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Hug
Thanks. Why are you going to the residetual treatment center for?
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Sexual Abuse
My story? i dont even know where to begin...age 5 my real dad started molesting me..age 7 rape was added in..this happened oh every night or every other night for 5 1/2 years..then i've had about 3 other minor touching encounters..i cant seem to get over it..i just want it all to go away!!!
Treatments
Close Self-Injury
Well i cut a lot? I dont know what else to say..right now i just dont wanna stop..i'm not scared wether i knick a vein...i'm scared when i eventually do..i need help..but idk
Treatments
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- not enough pain!!!
- S.A.F.E. (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) Working / Worked
- Talk to people on TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS
Open Eating Disorders
Type: AnorexiaI've strugled with Ana and Mia for over 4 1/2 years now..each day it doesnt seem to get better..i still think i'm fat and blame myself for a lot of things..food makes me sick.
Treatments
- Prozac Not Working
- overdosed..bad. not on purpose..
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- why bother i know when i turn 18 my eating disorders will get out of control and ill lose sooo much weight..i dream of that day honestly..
- Residential Treatment Center Not Working
- VITA RESEARCH-kicked me out.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- taking curently no changes do i see..
Open Depression - Teen
Everyday it seems i wake up, and hope to die. Just buying borrowed time here on earth.
Treatments
- Music Working / Worked
- Depressing music tends to make things worse.
- Pets Working / Worked
- Puggle-Maisy May-Just turned 1
- Prozac Not Working
- Stupid Foster FAmily overdosed me-it made things worse.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Tryed this too...it worked but i couldnt wake up in the mornings.
- Zoloft Not Working
- Dont think its working...
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I feel dirty alot...i have a LOT of different weird things i do..like when im in the shower i have to stand still until the water in the tub passes all of my feet...really weird and i have this nightly ritual..theres a lot and i hate OCD!!
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
WEll..DUH! If you read my other support groups im in..i have real bad flashbacks that lead me to the bad choices i make.
Treatments
- Rape Counseling Working / Worked
- EH.
Open Pet Bereavement
R.I.P Abby. My Sweet Angel 11/14/08.
Open Hearing Loss & Deafness
i was born parcially deaf. i have a curved ear canal in my right and a hole in my left. i was in speech from age 2-12. went to tarc. i can talk now. but its hard to hear...
Treatments
- Ear Tubes Not Working
- 7 sets.
- Hearing Aids Working / Worked
- tried them.
- Lip Reading Working / Worked
- big habbit.
- Sign Language Working / Worked
- love it!!
Open Family & Friends of Bipolar
Is it bad to say that my sisters bipolar draws me close to hating her?? She tells me everyday that she hates me and points out my flaws. i cant take it anymore. she doesnt want to get close to me and i love her but does she in return?
Open Families of Prisoners
For all i care, he can stay there and rot in hell.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- i have a lifetime sentence and he only got 18 years.
Open Incest Survivors
I cant take back the pain and the life you took away from me dad. I hate you. I spend all my time destroying the body you made so clear was NOT mine...
Open Anxiety
Im in constant fight or flight mode. im soo scared my dad will find me in the dark! i wont even go alone outside at night and i ALWAYS lock my door to my bedroom...i hate being this way.
Treatments
Open Body Modification
Well for my 16th birthday im getting a tatoo...i dont know what i want exactly yet, but i do know that i want it to be meaningful and i want it on my left back shoulder.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
IM SORRY. I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS. IM NOT ALLOWED!!!! IT WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING. LIVING WITH ABUSERS...THEY DONT DO IT ANYMORE BUT THE FLASHBACKS STILL FOLLOW ME.
Treatments
- Forgiveness Not Working
- how??
- Leave Considering
- considering to run away..
- Music Working / Worked
- yes!!
Open Down Syndrome
I LOVE SOMEONE WITH DOWN SYNDROME! My best friend's twin has down syndrome. i have soo many funni stories about her.
Open Epilepsy & Seizures
They said i have "Ceribrial Disrithmia" which i kind of like a brain seizure sending off signals to make me want to self-ingure.
Treatments
Open Rape
I lost my virginity at 7 to my father. He use to hold a knife to my throat...I cant even say body part names because i feel gross about it.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Too scary.
Open Foster Care
Well...just recently got released into mom's full custody. Bad thing. Whatever. Foster Care was good and bad. Some placements good, some bad. My sister is in a foster home still and its a great family. I wish i could go back.
