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legabriel 
11:39am, November 11, 2008
What do you do when your child fights everything in life, hides the fact some inside, only to lash out when she can no longer handle all that life is handing her? I have fought along side her every day of her life, almost 17 years, I have watched her struggle. I had to make a very difficult decision when she was a year and a half old, due to where we lived and the way so many children who are labeled are held back, we decided not to have her labeled autistic. We knew it was a gamble, the doctors and I, but we were thinking about whether they would allow her to go to regular classes if she were said to be autistic. She was so smart the doctor was afraid they would hold her back despite that so we said let it be. If things got too difficult we would find a way to deal with it. Kindergarten wasn't too bad, it was half a day in the morning and she came home and slept afterwards, exhuasted from all the input. But we fretted about the first grade, the doctors and I finally decided to let her try it, if she couldn't handle it we could always take her out and homeschool her. It almost didn't work. Removing whole milk from her diet actually helped and talking to the school helped even more. They were able to allow her time away from the others without having her put in a special ed class. But it was not so easy to handle once she started middle school. Since then school has been a challenge, she does not entirely understand her problem so cannot fully comprehend why she fought nearly every day. She loves school, even told the councilor that if they gave her all her work and only asked her to come in one or two days a week she would do better, but as we all know that cannot be done. Last year, 9th grade was the hardest years on us. She missed nearly one day every week, and sometimes two. The councilor saw a pattern so offered to us a choice, online schooling. My daughter misses being able to be with her friends, but really only wants the school setting on her own terms, something we know cannot be done. If she goes to school it must be every day, something nearly impossible for her to deal with, yet she also stuggles with being here at home. She has been so difficult. Gets angry at nothing. There are some who would see a typical teen, but if they had to be with her day after day I assure you they would see something entirely different. I love her deeply, would never have put up with all I have if I had not, I am tired and now see I need help from outside as this is beginning to wear the family out. Wear me out.
