ellychelly's Journal

It is so hard for me to handle it.

Especially when I am being accused of being "immature."

A conversation starts.

I am prepared to receive criticism.

I know that I will receive the same criticism in a few days, if not a few hours.

Her tone rises.

I am set on making her feel guilty, used.  I am inconsiderate.  I dump things on her.  I expect others to take care of things for me.  I am self-centered.  She is so stressed out, and she doesn't need this from me.

I sit there, not sure what to say or do to make her feel understood.  Feeling attacked and helpless, because I have nothing to say that won't cause her anger and disdain to escalate.

So I am going to try something.  A new goal.  When my mother takes me aside for these little chats, I must go through these steps:

1) ignore the generalizations.  That's the hardest part, because they really hurt

2) focus on the source of her frustration.  A dish left out, a light left on.

3) most importantly, WRITE DOWN the source of the problem.  I should have a list of these things.  Writing it down on a pad of paper will help me remember, and it will also show her that I take what she says seriously.

4) acknowledge what she is saying and feeling.

I think that number 1 is the part that holds me back from having a calm response when she brings up these things.  Because I have to assume that part of what she is saying is completely untrue, and part is spot on, in order to really react to what she wants.  I don't think she understands that by attacking me like that she is undermining the result that she would like to get.  

But I feel better having planned this out.  We'll see what happens.