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heartland 
I was admitted into the hospital on 5/31 and just got out yesterday. When I was admitted I went from the emergency room to the intensive care unit on a venalater, as I was not breathing on my own, Apparently I have no gag reflex so they had to stick tubes down my throat so you name it I was hooked up to it. Yes I tried again to do myself in. After the intensive care unit I went to the medical floor where I had asperated phnumonia (sp)?. After the medical floor They sent me directly to the physic floor. Now that I'm out I did not go home instead went to my parents home for a while as the doctors thought it might be the best thing for my husbands and my relationship and also to allow me to start the healing process.
I feel so lost without him even thou he has caused me so much grief in my life. I have been so dependant on him for the last 27 years can you believe even today , this morning i called him and told him that I needed to go for a haircut. I need to stop this because I will never be able to be in control of my own life if I don't.
Does any one have any ideas on how I can make myself more in control of rather than looking at him for approval.?
Comments
Hi sweetie
First you need to creating your future coming from the present not the past.
second thing thing you need to start working on is your self esteem.( You are not alone in that journey) Take one step at a time. Little bitty steps if you have to. But take though steps.Set little goals for yourself. Go get a hair cut on your own. See how good you feel afterwords for taken the steps.
Do yourself a favor and don`t have high expectations. Nothing rarely lives up to anyone's expectations and we often our let down.
Use a baby as your mentor. Don`t role your eyes back on me.
A baby can`t walk or crawl in the beginning. But they push on until they are crawling. Crawling and falling,falling and crawling over and over again. But they don`t give up. They keep picking themselves up . Over and over again, until on day walking becomes second nature to them. That is what you will have to do everyday until you get where you want to be.
Just set tiny little goals for yoursel. You can do it.
I am with you!
Meha
Meha
i don't know you sweetie, but i feel your pain, as it is mine also. i was totally dependent on my husband for fourteen years. somehow, about a month or so ago, i grabbed what i could and left. i had been in the hospital twice this year, psych, and it came down to leave or die. i choose to leave somehow. i am away, but the reality of it still hasn't hit me full on. i am scared shitless, but somewhere in me i know it will get better with time. i am staying at my daughters, and trying to find a place of my own. i've never lived alone....52 years old and i've never lived alone. i don't know how i did it, i think i was on autopilot or something. i moved 1800 miles away from him because i knew if i didn't get some real distance between us, i would fall back into old patterns. i guess the best advice i could give you would be to just leave him, don't think about, don't try to figure out what you're going to do after you leave, just get out and then start to think about what you'll do. you've been married a long time, will he have to give you support? do you get ssd? you should, i do and it's a direct result of my psych issues. just go honey, don't try to analyze anything, just get the hell out asap. it's hard no doubt, but in the big picture, it will turn out better for you. prayers for you. xoxo
skinnybones
Hi Rainey, I can relate to you. We are codependent. We know we aren't happy with the life we have, but are so use to being with the same person, good and bad for so long, it just mentally seems inconceiveable to detach from them.
It's a step in the right direction for you to be at your parents, and not at the same place as your husband. I wish I had parents I could have relied on at some point. Hopefully, you can just lean on them for as long as it takes, and the detaching will happen so gradually, it won't be too hard when you finally do unattach yourself from him.
All the best.
joely35