cj1976's Journal

Okay so my last journey entry was about me in a nutshelll and not so POSITIVE!!! But today I am feeling positive and want to write a little more on the positive side of me, Here goes:

I AM 6 DAYS PRIOR TO MY SURGERY.... ALTHOUGH MY LAST ENTRY WASN'T ALL THAT POSITIVE, THERE WAS A SOME POSITIVE THINGS WRITTEN IN THERE! LIKE MY DAUGHTER AND AABOUT MY HUSBAND.....

SO HERE IS MORE POSITIVE THOUGHTS FOR TODAY....

STRANGELY BUT GRATEFULL ENOUGH TO SAY, I HAVE NOT HAD ANY ENDOMETRISIS PAIN FOR ALMOST 2 WEEKS NOW :). I AM NOT SURE IF MY MIND IS FOOLING MY BODY OR MY HIGHER POWER IS ANSWERING MY PRAYERS.... I HAVENT FELT THIS GOOD IN A LONGGGGG TIME!!! I ALSO AM IN REALITY THOUGH THAT THE MIND MANIFESTS THE BODY.... ETC. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

SO I AM GOING IN FOR THIS HYSTERECTOMY IN 6 DAYS KNOWING AND THINKING THAT THIS IS JUST WHAT IT IS! ALTHOUGH THERE IS A SMALL PART OF ME IN MY MIND THAT BELIEVES I AM GOING TO WAKE UP IN THE RECOVERY ROOM LIKE 20 MINUTES LATER WITH A BANDAGE AND NOT MUCH PAIN AND THE NURSES ARE GOING TO INFORM ME THAT THERE WAS NO ENDO. LOL.... YEA IT MAY BE A SILLY THOUGHT BUT ITS MINE! I WILL NOT..... TRY TO, NO I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF ASIDE OF REALITY AND CONVINCE MYSELF OF THIS BECAUSE IF ALL GOES AS PLANNED AND I BELIEVE THAT I AM GOING TO FALL ON MY FACE, FLAT!!! MAYBE IM IN DENIAL BUT I KNOW I FEEL NOTHING, NO PAIN... I AM DUE FOR MY PERIOD ANY DAY AND I GUESS WELL SEE WHAT THAT BRINGS!

IM NOT NUTS, OR DILLUSIONAL I THINK IM JUST A WISHFUL THINKER THAT HAS A HIGHER POWER...

I WANT TO SHARE ONE MORE THING WITH ALL OF YOU, IN MY LAST JOURNAL WHEN I WROTE ABOUT THE COMA, ETC...

I HAD FLUID IN MY BRAIN FOR ALMOST 12 YEARS. PLENTY OF MRI'S, CT'S, X-RAYS, AND ALL SHOWED FLUID, GREY MATTER AS AND THE FLUID GOT OLDER, I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO IN FOR A PROCEDURE IN 2003 UNTIL THEY WENT TO DUE YET ANOTHER CT-MRI. SUPPRISINGLY, MIRACULOUSLY, THE FLUID HAD DISAPEARED! THE DOCTORS WERE IN AW. AND I WAS PSYCHED I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET THE SHUNT PUT IN AFTER ALL OF THAT! AMAZINGLY ENOUGH I DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF IT EXCEPT THAT THE FACT THAT IT WAS GONE AND I WAS HAPPY IN 2006 3 YEARS LATER I HAD GONE THROUGH MORE TRIALS OF DIFFERENT SORTS IN MY LIFE AND I STARTED REALIZING THAT THIS, THIS WAS NO MISTAKE THIS WAS A     MIRACLE! A MIRACLE FROM UP ABOVE. SO IF YOU ASK DO I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, WELL THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!

SO WITH THIS SAID, I HAVE AND WILL BE PRAYING MORE UP UNTILT THE VERY LAST SECOND I AM AWAKE B4 SURGERY THAT I WILL ONCE AGAIN SEE A MIRACLE....

BECAUSE I BELIEVE THEY DONT JUST HAPPEN ONCE IN A LIFETIME!!!

THANKS FOR READING.....

OX