lonelyinNY's Journal

ITS BEEN A LONG DEPPRESSING WEEKEND.I HAVE BEEN SICK WITH THE FLU ALL WEEKEND.I TOOK COLD PILLS EVERY FOUR HOURS ,DRANK LOTS OF LIQUIDS AND WATCHED VIDEOS..BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE SOMEONE IS SITTING ON MY CHEST.IT SHOULD HAVE STARTED TO GO AWAY BY NOW.TODAY IS MY GRAMAS BIRTHDAY,MIDDLE TO HIGH EIGHTY SOMETHING.DONT QUITE KNOW WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP BUT I LOVE AND MISS HER ALL THE SAME.SHE IS IN A PERSONAL CARE HOME ABOUT AN HOUR AWAY AND I HATE WHERE SHE IS AT.I DONT LIKE THE CARE GIVER AND FEEL SHE IS MEAN TO MY GRANDMOTHER BUT CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE MY BITCH OF AN AUNT IS IN CHARGE OF HER AND SHE DOESNT LOVE OR CARE ABOUT HER OWN MOTHER.I HAVENT BEEN TO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER IN MONTHS BECAUSE I JUST CANT HANDLE IT AND SHE DOESNT REMEMBER MY NAME ANYWAYS.SHE IS ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS EVERYDAY THOUGH.HUBBY RAN ALL WEEKEND ,NOTHING NEW.FROM FIRST THING IN THE MORNING UNTIL LATE EVERY NIGHT.I FEEL SO HORRIBLE BUT EVERY TIME I GO TO LAY DOWN THE KIDS START YELLING AND ARGUEING AND IF I AM LUCKY ENOUGH TO FALL ASLEEP I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT MY GRAMA....OH WELL, HOPEFULLY I WILL FEEL BETTER TOMARROW....