LadyWeaver's Journal

It is the day before Thanksging in the year 2008, I am thankful to be alive and have friends who care about me, I am grateful that I am able to continue my education and srtive to make a difference in this world. I think back to 7 years ago when I was so depressed and lonely and isolated that all I could think about was dying, it was Thanksgiving Eve when I took an overdose using Topomax and Geodon, I remember I had taken the Geodon first, it was a nearly full bottle, I remember calling my shrink to tell him what I had done and he told me to come to the ER immediately, instead I layed down figuring I would die Only to wake up several hours later, I was so angry that I had not died so I took a full bottle of Topomax, I started to drift off but woke back up and called 911, I knew I needed help! The ambulance came, the paramedics were so nice they made sure I had my shoes and my coat and my keys, they took me to the ER, the nurses and doctors examined me I was conscious enough to tell them what I had taken, they called my shrink to have me admitted, my shrink told them "let her sleep it off in the ER and send her home!" They did NOT pump my stomach, my shrink had no idea what kinds of medication I might have in the house that I could use to finish what I had started! His orders were that I was to come to his office the day AFTER Thanksgiving, I remember I called a friend and told her what happened and she sent her oldest son out to get me with his friends, she kept me at her place overnight and drove me to his office the next day, that was when he admitted me! His reasoning was that he did not want me to spend another holiday on the mental health unit! He is no longer my shrink, this is the same one who had me mis diagnosed for 9.5 years because he doesn't believe in DID! Obviously God had other plans for me by keeping me alive and I look back on that time now and am grateful to be alive to share my story with others.

I would like to say to anyone else out there who feels alone enough to want to try to take their own life, please reach out to someone, whether it be a friend or a crisis hotline, taking your own life is not the answer because it leaves so many unanswered questions for the people around you who really do love and care about you!