KNewman's Journal

Hello all..it's been quite a while since I've been on here. Last year was probably the roughest years of life. A combination of major life changes, adrenal exhaustion, taking a "bad" generic version of cabergoline, panic attacks, depression, major anxiety, then taking too much cabergoline. wow..what a crazy and wild ride, that I care not to ever do again...but part of the relief comes with acceptance that is happened. I feel more like myself now...messing with those neurotransmitters sure do cause a lot of funky stuff to happen. I feel much more calm ( the frustrating thing was that I knew I wasn't myself last year...and yet I just couldn't back to being me..I was freaking out for reasons that I knew were ridiculous, but I couldn't help it...that is how I felt. A slow progression to this point now in my life (and I'm still working on getting back out there like a normal human being) I feel like I am at about 94%...so close :) I did end up going on Celexa in January until August 2009 and it really did help level me out. My mom also moved in with me (she was a state away) (it worked out well, since my parents want to "try" out this area to live anyways..so the transition for me as well as them worked out perfect. Nothing can replace the feeling of support my mom gave me. Having her here..being patient with me, encouraging me helped more than I can imagine. Now, I am off all drugs for now. (I do have to go back on dostinex, since my levels are at 40) I have been off of it for 2 months..and I have to say it's been nice. It is finding that delicate balance. If my prolactin levels get too high..then I will feel like an emotional wreck, but now I am okay. I still work at conquering fears that I had before...building confidence and getting out there on my own. I had the worst panic attack of my life while driving on the freeway..so of course my irrational side says "do not drive alone on a freeway"...well it's taken baby steps, but I am working on it and feeling much better about it. In order to conquer fears (that you know are ridiculous) is just to go out there and do it! Now it is fall/winter here in the NW. I've prepared myself with a "happy kit" I joined a gym. ( I have been walking previously almost everyday which really helped) but with rain now I need to go inside. So my "happy kit" includes : inspirational song playlist on my ipod, full spectrum happy light in the morning, exercising at least 3 hours a week, lots of walking, doing things I love, etc. It is all a process and it will continue...just got to keep going!