abocage's Journal

I haven't been writing in my journal lately and I guess I should be. I have been getting frustrated with my illness. It's a pity party. I miss how I used to be able to get around, go when I want to, no worries. Now it's like, 2-3 hours in the morning for nausea to go away, lots of joint pain so not lots of walking, rashes, and puffy faces. I know I need to be grateful for my life and for this medication that is keeping me where I am, and I am. I just get tired sometimes. I guess I just have my days like that. Sometimes I feel fantastic, I know I have CML and it's okay, then there are other days when I can't or don't understand why I have this CML. It's like a flip flop. I don't know how long this adjustment period is going to go on before I find my absolute balance. Dwight was telling me about fighting and living with CML. There is a difference. "Living with" CML is acceptance of CML. "Fighting" is not real acceptance. I should start trying to "live with it" instead of "fighting" it. Acceptance is a hard thing for me though. I have a hard time accepting things like this, don't know why... I'll figure it out one of these days.

I am off to see Dr.Boxer today for a follow up and some more tests. I also have more questions for him. I'm glad I have a notebook to write all these things down in! LOL!