usalone's Journal

We had therapy on Tuesday this week and it was a good session.  We are trying to understand our family. WE always thought we belonged to an average family but that was not the case. Our family was extremely dysfunctional and different from most families. Every family has some dysfunction and some problems but our's was so different. For the longest time we could not accept that but we are seeing it now. We do not want to go into what we are sure will be triggering details, butwe are beginning to mourn for the first time about the way our family was.  It breaks our heart when we think of what could have been. We spent so much of our life trying to make things different and to make our family happy, but that will never be and we can stop trying.  We do not think we feel any guilt over this because we tried so hard and did so much to show we loved our family. It still hurts that our siblings reject us now with our parents gone but we are starting to hurt less over that.  We think sometimes we want them in our life for the soul purpose that is how families should be. But when we are honest with ourself, they do not bring us anything but trouble and chaos. Our T says it is OK to not want that in our life.  Perhaps now we can begin letting go of the secrets.  I (Vera) hope the others find it easier now to share knowing there need be no loyalty to those who hurt us so much.