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FeelingRough 
8:09pm, November 19, 2009
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This journal entry is viewable only by FeelingRough's friends.
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I was driving home from Louisville and stopped in White Sulphor Springs, W. Va. on my way back home to Va.
Nevermind that I had to have the rent a car returned by one o'clock. I ama major dilly dallyer. No one wants to travel with me!
When I was a little girl, my parents took took me and my siblings there. We stayed at the Hotel West Virginia mind you and not the Greenbriar -- that fabulous resort for the rich & famous tucked away in the heart of Appalachia. We did, however, drive through its fine grounds, admiring the sprawling pristine gardens and glistening white 'cabins' that overlook the beautiful landscapes that are everywhere.
Can we stay here? I asked my mom and dad.
No was the response of course.
You can come back on your honeymoon.
And so, finally at the age of 33 and a half, I did. For reasons that are too long to go into in a single 10 minute post to my journal, the marriage ended in divorce.
Fast forward 12 years later to present day. I decided to take this detour to re-visit the Greenbriar. I walked through its gardens again and strolled through its beautiful and luxurious lobbies. I browsed the unique shops that stock nothing but merchandise from West Virginia's best artisans. But it wasn't the shops or the beauty of the hotel that bowled me over. It was what was the emotion the place conjured up for me that I didn't know existed or hadn't had known in over a decade.
This hotel brought it all back. And it brought me back to that place where I once was. I never thought I'd feel that way and I hate to say it but I missed him. I only wish I'd have known that then -- what I would feel that day.
I'm remarried now and never really gave my ex another thought. Not knowing where he is now (I think Brazil!) and not knowing how he is (my guess married) is all the more bittersweet.
Don't worry y'all. I love my (current) husband. I just had a brush with the past -- the ghost of marriage past!
Good day y'all. Happy healing -- physically and emotionally.
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I'm glad you allowed yourself the feelings... the brush with the past. It is so important to be able to do that... so healing. I feel there is a lesson in here for me somewhere although I'm not exactly sure what it is... but thank you in advance, as I know it will come to me.... :o) Have a good day....
standstrong
You're such a prolific writer, Cindy! Isn't it strange how certain memories can come back..so strong?! Yesterday, out of the blue, a commercial conjured up a feeling of me visiting a certain chain grocery store, that I've only been to once, years ago- and nothing special happened there, other than buying a spatula to serve my son's birthday cake....But, in an instant, I was in that non-descript store, and saw faces of people with whom I had no connection. I know this was a much different flash-back than your meaningful one, but thought I'd share!
moreel
Funny how certain circumstances bring us to wonder, what if. Would life be different somehow, if we'd made a different choice? Better? Worse? Or simply different?
Maybe part of what you miss, in addition to your ex - who, it makes sense to miss, you loved him at one time - is also missing the time in your life when things were good. You were healthy, young, just married, in love. Who wouldn't miss that???
Donna's right - good for you for allowing those feelings to surface, rather than push them down.
UechiWoman
Right on guys! I not only was in search of him, but who I was way back then and wondering what happened to that person and why. But it's all good. I'm changed in ways for the better. But where did that ambition and drive go and where the heck did it come from?
FeelingRough