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lisaj7768 
7:31am, May 5, 2009
Yes, it has been awhile since I've made a journal entry. Alot has happened since my last entry. But I actually wanted to write about my Dad.
Back in November, he was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. We were all devestated. The family had just burried Gramma two months prior. We never knew how much time we had left with Dad and he never wanted to ask. I heard rumors that Pancreatic Cancer was one of the worst and people usually pass within 3-4 months.
Well, a few weeks ago, his Doctor took him off the regular Chemo and put him on an oral chemo. Well this one didn't work as well as the other chemo and it made my Dad very sick. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen him since starting this new Chemo. He looked terrible. His hair was thinning and he had lost a bunch more weight. His arms and legs were like toothpicks! Except hid dyomsch was distended from the Cancer.
After our visit on Thursday, we promised we would come back on Tuesday (Cinco de Mayo). My Aunt called Monday to tell me they had called Hospice. They were to make their first visit on Wednesday.
In the middle of the night, tho, my Dad started flailing in his sleep. My stepmom called Hospice again and they ended up soming our on Tuesday instead. At this point, my Dad was totally incoherrant. My Aunt called me and told me I should go out immediately. My best friend drove me out there and I spent a few hours with him.
Before I left, I told him that I loved him and I hated to see him suffer and he should do what he needs to do. I told him not to worry about me, that I was gonna be ok and that Chad would take good care of me. Then I asked God to end his suffering and make everything as painless as possible. We left and I planned on coming back in the morningwith Chad.
At about 6:30am, while I was on dialysis, I got a call from my stepmom telling me my Dad had passed away. She doesn't knowexaxtly when because she was sleeping. She was exhausted. Chad and I went out there immediately. The man from the Funeral Home had just shown up to take him. We got there just in time to say goodbye. Thank goodness!
So next Friday we are having his Memorial Service. I hope I can make it through that without having a nervous breakdown.
Comments
Lisa I'm so sorry to hear this. I know theres not much to say to help the pain you must be feeling, but I do send you so much love. Please now that I'm thinking of you. You'll get through the service even if you're a bit on autopilot. I send you an endless amount of hugs. Love to you - Lesley
DutchityDutch
I think you did all you could do Lisa. I don't have the words to say that will console you at the moment. I do care about you friend!! Like you said, his pain is over now and he will always be in your heart and watching over you. A warm and comforting hug to you in this sad and hard time. (((HUG)))
empathy
Thank you both so much for your comforting words. I'm doing ok. I still have my moments tho. The service was wonderful...standing room only! Seeing all the people who loved my father eased some of the pain. Thank you again so much! I love both of you!
lisaj7768
I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. My mom died from pancreatic cancer also. It's a terrible disease. Hugs!
Zigzag