lisaj7768's Journal

I would like to thank everyone who prayed, sent well-wishes and basically was concerned for my Father. I am happy to report, he has gone back to work! He started his 2nd round of chemo and now we are just focusing on the holidays!

So, since my Father seems to be doing better, I promised myself that I would get back on track with my weight loss. I saw the Doctor the other day. He was not very happy! Due to all my stress, I managed to eat my way to over 200lbs again! Not much over 200, but definately over 200!

Wow! That number just looks so big! Too big! It is just so hard, now that I'm 40, to take all this weight off! It was going so slow, I guess I just got frustrated, too! Plus, I think the food plan I was using was way too strict. I felt deprived. I can't do that to myself! All things in moderation! I was thinking about going to meetings again, but I don't know if that is right for me. I tried it. I liked it, for the most part. But, like I said, too strict! I mean no sugar or flour? Everything has one or the other in it...or both! It was just so hard to find anything that tasted good, that I could eat! And I realize that's not the point, but if I'm eating stuff I don't like, I'm not going to eat it! That's not good either!

Since my weight has gotten up there again, most of my clothes still don't fit. I've gotten a few new pieces, a size or two larger. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see the same person I saw before I put on all this weight.  Alot of times, I end up wearing clothes that are too small just because they make me look smaller. They are so uncomfortable and I find myself constantly pulling my shirt down over my stomach, or wearing my jeans so that my stomach spills over the top and sags! Let's not even get into sex with Chad.

Ok, actually, let's talk about that. Cuz it actually hasn't been happening lately. I don't feel attractive anymore so it's hard for me to initiate anything. He definately initiates it. Our problem? My stomach! Now, Chad is a big guy to begin with, then, you have me! I am actually fatter than Chad! I mean, he weighs more, but I have alot more weight to lose than he does! He could lose 30lbs and be good! I need to lose 80lbs! So, since putting on all this weight, my stomach has gotten so large that we don't really fit together anymore! We've been trying different positions. I even went as far as to Google sexual positions for overweight couples! I was shocked to see how much was written on the subject. Nice to know we're not alone!

So that's what's been going on (or not going on) with me these days! I hope everyone has a great holiday season!