lisaj7768's Journal

So today, i had dialysis. I get there at 5am and they hook me up to the machine by 5:30. So this morning, everything was going fine, then all of a sudden, one of my needles ripped out! Blood started squirting all over the place. By the time it was done, I looked like Carrie, from the movie, Carrie...you all know the final scene! Yeah it was horrible and, of course, that thru me into a full-on panic attack! They had to take me off the machine early and Chad had to leave work to come get me! Thank god John Brown had just showed up so he was able to leave!

But I made it thru and I got all the blood off me and my clothes, and my blanket, and my iPod and my cell phone! And I think that's it! But after I got home, my friend, Christy called. Her birthday is coming up and she's having a party. I got my evite yesterday and I responded with a "maybe" because I don't know how I'm going to feel about going to a party by then. Well Christy called today because she was trying to convince me that I should go. Telling me she only turns 40 once, and it's just one day and I should just have some willpower! Please! If I had any willpower, I wouldn't be in this situation. I tried to explain it to her but I don't think she got it. I told her I had to do this for myself and i didn't WANT to miss her party, but do I choose my friends feelings or my recovery? It just kinda felt she was guilting me into to going. I got off the phone with her after telling her I would be there...just so she would quit bugging me about it. She will never understand what I'm going thru. And everytime I try to explaom it to people, they just want to argue with me about things, telling me, "Ph, you don't need overeaters anonymous." or my favorite, "just don't eat!" Boy, if it were that easy!