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lisaj7768 
7:31am, May 5, 2009
So right about now, I really want to go into the kitchen and eat...even tho I'm all done eating for the day. So, instead, I'm choosing to write in this journal. I think I'm making the right choice! I just don't understand why and how food has such a hold on me? It's like I'm caught in a big vice grip and I can't get out! Well, I guess I'm literally in the grip of my addiction.
Addiction sucks. All my life, I've been around addicts...all addicted to drugs. One year, I lost 4 friends in 3 months all to heroin overdoses! It started actually with our friend Joel who was killed when he was hit by a cop car while riding his bike to work. That, of course, wasn't an overdose. But the next thing you know, everyones dropping like flies. The first to go was my dear friend Steve who I've known since I was 2 years old. That was pretty hard...especially since he called me the day before and I told myself, "I'll call him bavk tomorrow" Unfortunately, tomorrow never came for him. I always think what would have happened if I did call him? Would he still be here? Anyway, the next to go was another friend named Steve, then Rocky. The last one was Joe-Bee. The last time I saw Joe-Bee was after Joel's funeral. He and Seth and Larry came up to the Bowling Alley where I was working and I got them drunk and then we went to anafter-hours party. So at least my last memory of Joe-Bee was at a party having a good time. And that's the way I want to remember him.
Yes, there were other addicts in my life...some survived the cut, others weren't so lucky! The ones that we've lost, I miss everyday. But theres one in particular that has really affected me deeply...My friend, Kelly. He was my first true love. I think about him everytday. So many things remind me of him, it's unreal. Like when I hear a Rolling Stones song or when I'm watching football and they mention Paul Tagliabu. Or when I see my friend, Seth. The three of us were pretty inseperable for years! Tyrone...two lighters, spackle, chain-link blanket, sasquatch & tovency. Man, those were some good times!
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on and on and on! I'm not hungry anymore!
Comments
Glad to hear writing in your journal helped you not eat when yu didn't really need to Maybe I should try it. Try not to think of your friends dying. Think of the good times yu had with them and how lucky you were to be friends with them for as long as yu had them with you. I lost a very good friend about 3 months ago and felt bad that I hadn't called and talked to her more ofter., But I know in my heart she knew I loved her and cared about her. She left a big void in my life but I am working on filling it. Its hard because no one can take her place but I just think of the good times we had. I know how you feel but we just have to keep going and live life
Kathy253