Journal

Yes, it has been awhile since I've made a journal entry. Alot has happened since my last entry. But I actually wanted to write about my Dad.

Back in November, he was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. We were all devestated. The family had just burried Gramma two months prior. We never knew how much time we had left with Dad and he never wanted to ask. I heard rumors that Pancreatic Cancer was one of the worst and people usually pass within 3-4 months.

Well, a few weeks ago, his Doctor took him off the regular Chemo and put him on an oral chemo. Well this one didn't work as well as the other chemo and it made my Dad very sick. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen him since starting this new Chemo. He looked terrible. His hair was thinning and he had lost a bunch more weight. His arms and legs were like toothpicks! Except hid dyomsch was distended from the Cancer.

After our visit on Thursday, we promised we would come back on Tuesday (Cinco de Mayo). My Aunt called Monday to tell me they had called Hospice. They were to make their first visit on Wednesday.

In the middle of the night, tho, my Dad started flailing in his sleep. My stepmom called Hospice again and they ended up soming our on Tuesday instead. At this point, my Dad was totally incoherrant. My Aunt called me and told me I should go out immediately. My best friend drove me out there and I spent a few hours with him.

Before I left, I told him that I loved him and I hated to see him suffer and he should do what he needs to do. I told him not to worry about me, that I was gonna be ok and that Chad would take good care of me. Then I asked God to end his suffering and make everything as painless as possible. We left and I planned on coming back in the morningwith Chad.

At about 6:30am, while I was on dialysis, I got a call from my stepmom telling me my Dad had passed away. She doesn't knowexaxtly when because she was sleeping. She was exhausted. Chad and I went out there immediately. The man from the Funeral Home had just shown up to take him. We got there just in time to say goodbye. Thank goodness!

So next Friday we are having his Memorial Service. I hope I can make it through that without having a nervous breakdown.

I know, It's been forever since I've written a journal entry. OK, I've become addicted to Face book! I have found soooo many people I haven't talked to in years! It's been exciting reconnecting with old friends! I found people I've known since I was a baby! People I went to elementary school with! And the lady who used to run the Day Care I went to as a  child!

My Dad is doing much better and I want to thank all my DS friends who sent along their prayers and well-wishes! They mean the world to me. As od today, the Dr reports his tumors are smaller! Yeah! He's still not completely out of the water and I'm not kidding myself, but I'll take what I can get.

My weight is another story! I've been eating like CRAZY! Yes, I'm back up to 220 and none of my clothes fit...well, they're pretty darn tight anyway!I think it's time for me to go back to OA.  Even Sue agrees with that one! I want to be able to fit into my clothes again! I want to be able to sit with my legs crossed or with my legs closed for that matter! I'm tired of my back hurting from having to carry all this extra weight. I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend and feel sexy! I want go up a flight of stairs and not have to stop and catch my breath! And yeah, I know what I have to do...I've done it before, I'm just tired of hving to do it. But, I'm obese and I have to do something!

Ok, so there you have it! I'll be back here soon!