orangegate's Journal

I joined this site as a mental health student nurse as I was feeling lonely in my classes and not very confident in group discussions.

I'm not very good at socializing with people I don't know and can be overwhelmed by some people initially. Also I take things to heart too much sometimes and can be really sensitive. Fortunatly, I can talk about this to my partner but also I have to take action (I have been taking action against my shy bad habits since being a teen).

Shyness can cause stress, loneliness, it can make you vulnerable to bullying, of people taking advantage of you, it can provoke you into misusing drugs or alcohol to combat it, it can lead to isolation and depression and an all-round rubbish existence if you don't take care of yourself.

Apart from misusing drugs or alcohol I've had experiences of the above and vowed that I didn't want that to happen to me again and would have to take resposibility of it for myself. Every battle has been hard but it's been won (times where I had no friends or a relationship, stuck in a dead end job because I was too scared to move on) - and there's always a new battle around the corner. That thought can be sometimes tiring but I do like a challenge and this attitude helps in my work and my life.

So my group experience (my goal when I first started) did improve. I recognised why I was not succeeding was partly due to how I was preparing myself for the group and how I thought of the group members, and how I thought they may think of me. This led me to hang out with another quiet person who turned out to be quite bullying and negative - so managed to avoid that person by just interacting more with the others. (It's important to build the skills to combat shyness - you don't have to transform yourself dramatically - so that you can protect yourself against those who will take advantage of you).

Also, preparing myself for group discussions helped. Even if I didn't say a lot, what I did say was more confident and I felt a little bit more calm (always nervous initially!) and it helped in my studies of course too. Practicing talking about these issues/discussions out loud with my partner/cat (they don't have to answer back! - it's your voice you're getting used to) helped a lot as well.

Accepting myself as well helps because I'm naturally quiet and that's actually ok. I can be loud with friends and family but I actually like my own company. Some people don't and hate being alone.

Well It's been a tough three years of uni but I did it. I'm not the life and soul of the party but I got better and did well...and I'm starting my first mental health nursing job next week - I'm looking forward to it but I'm also scared out of my brain!