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LoveWarrior 
Three realizations that may be able to set me free.
1. Shit happened to me. Part of the problem is that I didn't really accept that this happened to me. The line between normal discipline and abuse got blurred. The line between realistic and ridiculous expectations was nonexistent. I thought that what happened to me was normal, relatively speaking, and that I deserved it. Which leads me to my next point.
2. It wasn't my fault. I was not perfect, but I didn't deserve the treatment that I got at my father's hands. I don't deserve to be belittled and ridiculed at every turn. He hates himself and he turned it on me. That's not my fault. He was the one who yelled and insulted, who raged and terrorized. I couldn't avoid setting him off. Theoretically, even if by some miracle I could've been perfect, he still would've found fault with me because he wanted to find fault with me.
3. I'm not crazy. It is ok to feel the way that I do. I am not deeply, fundamentally flawed. I am not "overly sensitive" or "overly dramatic" or bipolar or anything else that he might claim. He wanted/wants me to feel like I'm crazy, incapable, and dependent. I'm not. Just because his friends, colleagues, congregation, and students think he's great doesn't mean that I'm crazy. They didn't live through what I lived through.
