My Dearest
February 2, 2009 3:22am
Her gentle touch,
The smell of her-
The closeness-
Feeling her against me because she wants to be
Feeling her energy …
howcanifindme
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About Me
howcanifindme
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About Me
I have suffered severe abuse emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual since early childhood so much so that I feel like I have no idea who I really am. I was also in a "bible-based" cult for several months which further ruined my ability to establish a sense of self. The only things I really know about myself is that I am creative, and that I am loving and compassionate- probably too much so. I lost my soul-mate, my partner to suicide 7/5/07.
I have suffered severe abuse emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual since early childhood so much so that I feel like I have no idea who I really am. I was also in a "bible-based" cult for several months which further ruined my ability to establish a sense of self. The only things I really know about myself is that I am creative, and that I am loving and compassionate- probably too much so. I lost my soul-mate, my partner to suicide 7/5/07.
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Interests
I love to read- especially Mercedes Lackey. I also like to take photos and do crafts (when I am in better emotional spaces).
I love to read- especially Mercedes Lackey. I also like to take photos and do crafts (when I am in better
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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This entry is private
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Hugbook
Hug
Hug
...just cuz I know you could use one.
Hug
:0) Hang'in in there Hang'in on. TR'IN there dO'IN my best. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hopin you day is brighter then brigt. Finer then fine. Great than great. Better then best. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You are nicer then nice. Sweeter then sweet. Kinder then kind. Fairer the fair. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hope your day is great Your night even better. because you rate I sent this letter! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IF YOU CAN IF YOU CARE IF TOU WILL READ MY JOURNEL. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ dON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. fEELING A LITTLE GOOFY TODAY. oR i GUESS i SHOULD SAY MORE GOoFY THEN USUAL. mY NUTTY SIDE IS SHOWING. 8oP me -------------------------------------
Hug
beautifully written, perfectly right, xxx
Hug
have a hug back!
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Sexual Abuse
I was sexually abused starting at 1 1/2 by my grandfather and a bunch of his friends, a cousin on the other side of the family, a foster mother, my brother, and a "minister" of a "bible-based church" cult
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Art has helped me a lot trying to express things that happened to me, to get the grime out of me and onto the page/canvas.
- Group Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- Often not enough time given in each group for people to talk about what they need to talk about.
- Leave Working / Worked
- Not ANYWHERE as easy as people make it out to be. It is way too easy to leave one abuser to find another one.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- I tend to listen to "angry" music when I am really down, and music like enya or Yanni when I need to feel soothed.
- Talking Working / Worked
- I find talking to others who have the same pains helps to ease the guilt I feel.
- \"The Courage To Heal\" Somewhat Helpful
- This was a good Starting place, but it did not go deep enough for me.
Close Widows & Widowers
I lost my soul-mate, my best friend, my partner on 7/5/2007 to suicide. I feel like I am hanging in a void and can't figure out how to get back to life- I can't imagine this world without her in it.
Treatments
- Grief Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Going to a grief group has been somewhat helpful- but I have also encountered some mis-understanding and outright bigotry over my choice of partners.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- The therapists obviously have had no personal experience with loss to suicide- I felt like I was being observed like a lab rat rather than being counseled.
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- when I can allow myself to really cry it seems to help a bit for a little while but there is SO much grief inside that I feel like I could cry every second of the rest of my life and still not empty the well of grief inside
Open Self-Injury
ever since I was 2 years old I have been dealing with sexual and emotional abuse- and I self-injure to try to gain some control on my life
Treatments
- Group Therapy Not Working
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- this usually helps, although on nights like tonight it isn't enough
- Squeezing Ice Not Working
- this actually FREAKED me out because the feel of the melting water flowing/dripping down my hands and arms reminds me of times when I was abused and had blood pouring down the same places.
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
