kherald's Journal

Well hello all I have been so tired lately and it is because I am not taking care of my health I have to clean my slate.....I have had my time of the month for three months now and I am enemic and tired all the time and because of my fear of doctors I have not gotten it taken care of ............I have been really sick the last couiple of days really bad though......and it is now coming to a head.....I know now I have to take care of it...........I was on the phone with a friend because I was like maybe I should go to the ER but then when she told me how uch it will end up costing me I am better off just waiting for an GYN.........I have let it go this far anyway!!!!!!.............I go to a program for mental illness during the week and they were ready to take me to the hospital on Friday but I would not let them............I did share in group about my fears of either going through early menapause or maybe just needing a D& C and alot of the women agreed with me but then there where some who scared the shit out of me and told me I might need a hestorectomy.................OMG I am only 39 and I don't even know wether I want kids......this sucks........................

SO anyway I hope I did not offend anyone and gross you out but I am struggling because of this problem and I do not know what to do.................BUT I HAVE BEEN GF FOR 16Days.......boy did I want a drink last night though......I just thought maybe it would help the pain and then I thought yeah temporarily then I woulod have to face how I threw 3 years away..............well I know my mental health is effected by my physical so I am all screwed up right now I can hardly get it all together but it finds its way........I hope someone got something from this or has had the same problems and might be able to advice..........................

I think I might go lay down again I am feeling weak...........

SO God Bless everyone and hope all is well..........