ashley1261's Journal

3 years of suffering and all I have to show for it is a very depressed mind. Thanksgiving was pretty stressful- the holidays usually are for me. I tried so hard to eat normally today, but it always ends up with my b/ping. What am I going to do with myself? Now days I just want to die. I don't feel like I deserve to live my life anymore. Why keep trying to recover when I slip up day after day? I must not want to get better. And if I don't want to get better, why even allow myself to live like this? This is just torture. I hate everyday of my life. I don't ever feel appreciated, I don't ever feel loved, I don't ever feel accepted. I will never feel confdent with my body and I hate that. I just wish for 1 day I could live ed-free.

I think I am so dependednt on my e.d. that now I wouldn't know what to do without it if I were to just give it up. Its so complicating trying to explain this to people, but in a weird way, it all makes sense to me. If only I could move on from it all.

I am just a lost soul who doesn't know where she belongs I guess.