Journal

dear scale,

              FUCK YOU.

love,

ashley

i don't even know what to say to myself at this point. if i can't control things by now, what is the point in trying?

everytime i think i've come so far, i fall back down 10x harder. i just can't handle this anymore. i'm not going anywhere with my life right now, and all i can do is make bad decisions.

hmmmm... i'm at a loss for words.

i'm just waiting for the morning when i can wake up and give myself permission to give up with it all.

I feel like i'm going backwards and i can't stop...

Have you ever sank so low that really tell yourself you are giving up?

thats about where i am right now... i am really struggling & no matter how hard i try, it all just goes to waste bc nothing ever gets better.

i feel so helpless. i need to be the strong one and do all of this stuff for myself & i just can't get any motivation to recover. its like i've hit a brick wall or something.

i feel so unhappy with myself i can't even put it into words.

i have a bottle of ipecac in my room & i haven't used it yet. it is oh so tempting though. i have to say that is one of my major weaknesses.

i feel like i am sounding so pathetic & depressing so i'm done with this journal.