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serenityseeker 
9:52am, October 12, 2009
Hi all
Well I have made it 130 days and 2 hours so far. (I have a clean time calculator on my desktop now). Today was a tough one though...first day in a long time I got a really strong urge to go out and ruin my life...I tried to change my thinking first off...I told myself to remember all the good things that have recently happened for me...couldn't shake that urge...tried to just think about other stuff...no good. Decided to take a nice long bath with lots of bubbles and just soak, after the bath I lay down on the bed and had a nice long nap and when I woke up urges were gone.
I was trying to ask myself later what brought that on and I truly have no clue...I think this demon just raises its ugly head and says "wonder if she's feeling weak today". I really don't think it matters what makes the demon arise, the more important is putting it back to sleep.
Recently I have made several purchases of items for my home...not that I am very material, but it was time for me to do some good things for me. Money is starting to have some real value to me again. It is not just for throwing into a slot machine. Twenty, after twenty, after twenty.
That money can do other things nowadays.
For today I am proud of myself and my little victory. By the grace of God, just for today I will not gamble.
I am going to try to stay a bit more on guard...I had begun to be too comfortable with no urges. Not complacent, just contented...but now I will stand on guard.
I'm coming here daily and getting my daily dose of positivity, support and learning that the misery is still out there waiting for me if I want it....I KNOW I DON'T WANT IT.
I'll sleep well tonite.
Wishing you all a GF 24 and I'll take one for myself.
Blessings
Mary
Comments
I loved reading this je. Enouraging way to start the day. WTG! xxxxx - debs
JordansMomDebby
You are so inspirational congratulations, but I need to ask what is a clean calculator that you have?
chrisb1949
A clean time calculator is a little program where when you type in your last date gambled, it calculates % of a year, days, hours, minutes you have been clean or gamble free as we call it here. Now that I am retired I never know what day it is anymore...so put that on to help keep track.
Thanks for your kind words Deb and Chris.
serenityseeker
I agree Mary, it don't matter where the urges come from or why......what matters, all that matters, is not gambling for that one more day. If we can manage to stay clean for that one more day, then there's hope.....and with hope, and a Higher Power's guidance, we will be ok.
Hugs
eastwester
I'm really proud of you for fighting off those urges. It happens to me every once in a while, completely out of the blue...and it's persistant... but I'm more so... then it hides it's ugly head again for a long time only to come up and surprise me again... just keep your faith, remember how you don't want everything that goes along with gambling.. and just tell yourself.. for today I won't gamble,.. I wont' react to the urge... then most times tomorrow it's gone.
loosenomore
''Hey Mary.. AT one time I had those urges ..come and go.. Finally I just said to self ''am a cg''its normal.. lol.. ''and they went'.
WTG with bubbly and a Nappipooh'..
Love yah Sandra..
gams5
I have also found in the past the urges didn't last past a good nap! Sometimes they just pop up for no reason....and go away if we outwait them! WTG on not giving in! Love your clean time calculater..Hugs, Dianne
DianneE