serenityseeker's Journal

In one of my books the reading for yesterday was as follows:

SURVIVOR GUILT

We begin recovering.   We begin taking care of ourselves.  Our recovery program stats to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.  Then it hits.  Guilt.

Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind -- those not recovering, those still in pain.  This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.

We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking.  We may dwell on a child grown or adult, still in pain.  We may get a phone call from a nonrecovering parent who relates his or her misery to us.  And we feel pulled into their pain.

How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery?  Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances?  Yes, we can.

And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love.  But keep moving forward anyway.  Be patient.  Other people's recovery is not our job.  We cannot make them recover.  We cannot make them happy.

We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life.  We may never know the answer.  Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business.  The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.

We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.

Today I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt.  I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.

This writing came from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melodie Beattie.

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It is amazing to me how often when I need an answer I open one of my meditation books and the answer is right on the page I choose. 

I have been struggling with this issue for some time and it really helped me to read this yesterday.

I have heard many times at meetings that recovery is a selfish program..I don't think it is selfish anymore...I think it is self-caring.

Have a good day all.