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serenityseeker 
9:52am, October 12, 2009
So many things become clearer as the days pass. I am recognizing more that I have worth. That my shortcomings do not mean I am a bad or uncaring person..that some things I never learned and some things I rebelled against and some I just plain didn't pay attention. I am grateful that at least now my focus is on the solution rather than the problem.
It is an awful feeling to feel unworthy to actually believe that you deserve all the negativity that can come your way or that you bring into your life. I am slowly learning that I am worthy of all good things and the more effort I put in to giving to others and taking the focus off of myself the better my life gets.
Another day of gratitude for no urges, for a taste of serenity, for a day without turmoil...
The parade began staging about 5 am right outside my window...hundreds of horses, beautiful costumes from some of the native tribes, floats, bands, clowns galore, hundreds of yahoo's from children and adults. I have lived in this Stampede city for over 30 years and have not enjoyed this as much ever.
Three hours of parade not too hot, little windy... a great morning.
It's after midnite here now and I am wide awake...will probably soon take a shower and watch a bit of TV. Now and then I have nights where I can not sleep a wink...but it does not matter as I can sleep whenever I want and don't have to be responsible for kids or spouse...there are some advantages to being an old bag.
Hope all you Yanks have a wonderful Independence Day...great times with family, friends...
Wish all of you a safe 24 hours.
So glad I am part of the community of DS and all of you.
UPDATED GOALS
stay GF to July 31/09
Progress 10%
Encouragements: 0
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Comments
WTg Mary ,, Enjoying what has been there for Years Parades/Stampede ; but now it is a pleasure since gambling is not the focus...Amen..
Have a Great Day..
love yah Sandra..
gams5
Thanks for the well wishes. You have a great day today as well. Glad you had a good time celebrating your holiday as well.
Lavender1
Hi Mary, It's so good to hear you finally realised you are worthy. I'm very Happy for you. Enjoy the rest of your Day Gamble Free.
Hugs Steph
Steph55
Great Journal....feeling unworthy is such a major block to making any progress! There have been times in life when I thought all the good "things"....were for other people....so glad you are enjoying the Stampede!
Hugs, Dianne
DianneE
And I'm so glad to have you here! And I sure know how you feel about the realization that we deserve happiness in our lives. We are worthy! Woo Hoo! It's weird, cos' when we focus on others, suddenly we're focusing on ourselves, too. at least that's the way it's been for me. I want to be able to take my own "good advice" now, and weirder, I don't care who else takes it! Getting involved in life going on around me has made me see how closed up I was before, locked up in my addiction, and before my addiction, locked up in fear. As they say, life is too short, it feels so good to be participating in everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly... I kinda' like the good part the best! I'm normal! Lots and lots of love coming your way, Robin
Moyer
Hi SerenitySeeker,
I have learned that feeling unworthy makes me want to throw my money (aka
energy) away, as self-punishment. We each deserve all good things and most of all, our own self-love.
In a little while, I am going to give myself a pedicure, manicure, and the whole works. Not only it will make me feel better, but is an expresion of self-love.
Thanks for sharing.
WTWL