tigerlilymel's Journal

Well, here it is 7am and as usual, I am up. I can't quite remember what it feels like to sleep in past 7am. Ever since starting my medications in August for Crohn's, my whole life and routine was thrown into upheaval. I am calling my GI today to discuss one of the side effects of the Prednisone that I HATE. My hands have become SO shaky lately. I don't know why it is so bad, but it gets worse every day. I can't hold silverware, tie my shoes, work with buttons, or even put on makeup without asking my mom for help. I hate feeling dependent with little tasks like that, but because of the tremors, I can't do it myself. Even when I am talking the tremor/shakes seems to hit my throat and I stutter and stammer my words. It's so embarrassing. And just sitting here, typing all of this out, is a huge challenge. Hopefully my doc can give me some answers because I don't know how much more of this crap I can take!

The snow is finally melting, I think. At least I am hoping haha. I do love it, but I have been stuck in my house since the weekend and I get cabin fever sooo bad. Plus I have to drive about 30 miles to the hospital to do lab work. I think the 100mg of Imuran is starting to take effect. I did have blood in my stool last night, and it was bright red, but not as much as usual. I think when I call my doc today I will also ask about other treatment options for my fistulas. I have 3 of them and they aren't healing. Any suggestions? I am open to anything at this point haha.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately has been surgery. I have read and formed the assumption that once a person with Crohn's or Colitis has surgery, they generally need to have routine surgeries/follow-ups done, right? Well can a person elect to have a surgery? I am tired of being in a flare (four months and still going) and I am looking for all the options available to me. I will be getting health insurance in January, so surgery wouldn't be nearly as expensive.

I cannot WAIT to get health insurance. My medical debt is so high and so overwhelming. Even my prescription costs leave me broke right after payday. Some days I just wish I could continue sleeping and never wake up. Then the reality of medical debt and bill collectors would disappear. At 21 years old I shouldn't be needing to worry about this stuff. But alas, I was not given the easy path in life. But I suppose that can be a good thing. I can learn from my challenges and break down the walls people have fenced me in. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger..I just don't know how much patience I have left to keep going some days.