tigerlilymel's Journal

Well...let's see.

Crohn's: Last night I totally and completely broke every rule/promise I made for myself. I had two HUGE pieces of homemade (amazingly delicious to DIE FOR) lasagna, and about..9 pieces of french bread. Seriously. All slathered with parmesan cheese. I know I shouldn't have done it, but this is after a week of little-to-no filling foods in my system. I also had a pepsi :(....so how am I feeling? FAT haha. I had heartburn (never had it before in my life, but I think that's what it was....a hot, burning, almost urge to vomit feeling in my chest/throat) ALL night and I STILL feel bloated this morning. My stomach is KILLING me and I have been up since 4am. Sigh. The prednisone is kicking my ass. I have developed a fear of tapering off of it....I have read too many stories about people who taper off and then relapse with a terrible flare up, and I really do think that is what happened last time, and why I wound up in the ER last week. Does it ever get easier? Will my will-power over-power my desire to eat and become well? Because right now, I feel just as hopeless as the day I was diagnosed. I have the 100 questions and answers book. I have read through it time and time again, but I am not really grasping the information, ya know? I really wish the 'out of sight, out of mind' theory worked...it seems to work when I toss my medical bills aside because I can't pay them :s but alas...I know the credit bureau nazis are watching me. I just need a job and some MONEY. If only I had the balls to become a stripper ;) Just kidding...sort of?

And now,

Endo: Hm...same shit different day. Becoming the queen of all things involving abdominal pain, I pretty much just deal with this. I am birth control (HATE the nuvaring with a passion, btw) and my endo pains are pretty bad. I wish I could go back on Lupron, but it wreaked SO much havoc on my body. It is like Prednisone times a thousand. It's generally used as a last-resort option for men with Prostate cancer. But somehow it got approved for Endo, and it puts your body into temporary (6 months or less) menopause. I did two rounds of it in the course of two years and it was hell. So right now, I am just taking it one day at a time. I've dealt with it for almost 8 years...there isn't much more I can do but the routine laparoscopies and birth control. Blah.