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SwedishDemocracy 
9:19pm Wednesday
I'm tired and thinking about years ago. Thinking back, even good times, is never pleasant. The past is a time that's dead and gone. Good memories are long gone, swept away by a sea of melancholy; bad memories are there forever, can never be erased. As for me, my sweetest memories are stuck in that dead time, with a person. The deeper I loved, the more I saw of myself, my true self, and hated. Evil, spiteful, petty child. Which is it--has that realization changed me, or have I only adapted? Why does my soul desire to be what I am not? Will I ever be reconciled to myself? Ultimately we are all alone in the world. The real trouble starts when we leave ourselves. Then where are we? Life can sure feel like a panic sometimes.
Comments
I think you are just becoming aware that you are dynamic, ever changing and never fixed in this world. Yes, we all have a past, a present, and a future. And when you really start to feel that reality, it can be scary and feel like a panic. I totally get what you are saying. But its not that we leave ourselves. The scary part is to own ourselves, and be ourselves. Ever changing, moving forward. When we resist being who we are and fight against ourselves, that is when the depression starts to take hold. Because we no longer believe or trust who we are. You are your only you. Love that.
Much love,
Callie
callie344