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Gmasharon1 
I am compulsive gambler. I can never again forget that, but I am also a 56 year old single women. I live in Washington State with my 8 year old very necrotic golden retriever named Boliver. I would have had 4 years of gambling free on September 12, 2008. Unfortunately I let the itty bitty shitty committee talk me into believing I was cured. I am now starting over and finding a much better way of life.I have received so many wonderful comments to my post “Today would have been my 4th year clean”, that I have decided to start a journal. Not only to share my trails and tribulation with everyone, but I hope to bring some hope to those of you, who along with me, still suffer from this horrible disease.Life without gamble was always wonderful for me. I had almost 4 years one day at a time. My life had gotten so much better. I worked on allot of my defects, but I forgot one very important one. I forgot that I must remind myself every day of step one. I must admit that I am truly a compulsive gambler, I will never normal. I will always be sick, mentally. Does this mean I cannot get better? No it means just the opposite! It means that I can not only get better but it also means that through recovery I can become a much better person that ever dreamed I could be. I sometimes feel sorry for those out there that have never had the benefit of an addiction, for they will never know the blessing that come with recovery.I am today extremely grateful for this compulsion I have for without it I would have never found this site, my GA friends, or learned who I really am.This week has been a miracle for me. One “god shot”, if you will after another.I lost my job of 13 years as a mortgage lender in Oct of 2007. In Jan of 2008 I returned to college, but found that not only was college tough at 56 but that working part time along with it was extremely painful. My doctor advised me in June to file for permanent disability. I struggled so hard with this decision, the idea of giving up, that I decided to run back to the gambling.In July my daughter found a wonderful job for me, that I must admit was a perfect match. It was all the things I loved about being a mortgage lender and non of the things I hated. Not knowing if I would get disability I decided to apply. What the heck, it couldn’t hurt right?A month ago I interviewed for the job. Although I thought the interview went well, I really didn’t think I would get the job, as it was working with Native Americans and although my children are Native, I am not. Not to mention that I am 56 after all.Much to my surprise, I was offer the job this week. I am so excited! I dropped out of college and am getting ready to start a new life.Just when I thought it could not get any better than that. Today I checked my bank balance and discovered that SS disability has been awarded. Now if I cannot do the new job because of the pain, I will have SS to fall back on. I am so blessed. Thank you “god” for all your gifts, and more importantly for letting me let go and do your will rather than mine!
Comments
Hello my new friend.Life for you is already getting better and you are able to enjoy the blessing. I love the way you think - even though you slipped - you are back in recovery and you are so right. I am thankful for my recovery each and every day. It may sound strange to some but I know there is a reason for this addiction - I am already finding purpose in it all. Every day has a new purpose without gambling in it.
Congrats on your new job and new outlook. Welcome once again to the DS family. Hugs Suzi
Auzgurl
I hope you continue to acheive your dreams.
avaloninheart