I'm finally working again!
October 12, 2008 2:48pm
I can't believe it... After nearly ten months of an extremely emotionally debilitating job search, I began a new job on Thursday and …
Progress
25 %
bouncingsoul 
9:09pm, August 12, 2009
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About Me
bouncingsoul
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About Me
I'm just a big kid in a woman's body. I stunted my emotional growth through lots of partying and bad choices in the past (and an emotionally unavailable mom to boot) and am still learning how to be a full-fledged adult. I moved from MD to CO four years ago to be with my boyfriend of four years and make a fresh start. I finally finished up my Bachelor's Degree in 07, something I wanted to do for a long time. I'm still looking for the job I can keep as a career. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety and major depression and developed a bad relapse after moving here to this beautiful place. I'm finally happier than I've ever been so it's hard to make sense of it all. I'm here to make friends who understand what I'm going through and get as well as give some support. I'm a great listener and have been known to give good advice in return :)
I'm just a big kid in a woman's body. I stunted my emotional growth through lots of partying and bad choices in the past (and an emotionally unavailable mom to boot) and am still learning how to be a full-fledged adult. I moved from MD to CO four years ago to be with my boyfriend of four years and make a fresh start. I finally finished up my Bachelor's Degree in 07, something I wanted to do for a long time. I'm still looking for the job I can keep as a career. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety
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Website
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Interests
Spending time with my main squeeze, listening to music, playing music, concerts (live music rocks my world), music trivia, daytrips, spending time and keeping in touch with family and friends, traveling, History, WWII, Women in WWII, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Chinese Dynasties, Terra Cotta Warriors, Chinese and Japanese architecture, Anthropology, Archaeology, Yoga, putting together cards and gifts for those I love, camping, fishing, hiking, exploring the Rockies, photography, nature, animals, shopping, museums, aquariums, zoos, adult cartoons like Family Guy, South Park, King of the Hill, American Dad, Robot Chicken, etc, watching football, baseball and hockey, surfing the net, gaming, extreme sports, drawing, reading, cooking, anything arts and craftsy and more.
Spending time with my main squeeze, listening to music, playing music, concerts (live music rocks my
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Hugbook
Rainbow
Just checking in to see if you are doing ok with your anxiety? Thank you for the hug with the nice words, it really meant alot and helped alot....
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Hug
Thank you so much for the message. It is very encouraging. I hope you are doing well as well. Anxiety is tricky...I mean I know alot of it is mind over matter, but I just cant stop my mind from going there...it's hard.
Hug
Thanx for the hug...back at ya
Hug
it started sort of like an orgy. But it turned into so much more. thanks
Hug
I hope it gives everyone alittle peace to know that it does get better
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Anxiety
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- This was my first benzo. It worked well at first, but just didn't last long enough.
- Breathwork Working / Worked
- I literally have to remember to breathe when I'm anxious or lost in negative thought patterns, but it does help.
- BuSpar Not Working
- It made my head feel like an anvil. I couldn't function at all.
- Inderal Working / Worked
- I take this along with Klonopin to keep my blood pressure down, reduce heart palpitations and profuse perspiration when I'm in an anxious state.
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- This is my current benzo. It works pretty well and lasts longer, but still wish it would help manage my symptoms a bit better.
- Lexapro Not Working
- It gave me the dreaded sexual side effects, just as all other SSRIs I've tried do.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- I'm trying to regain control in my head and use these to battle the negative ones. It works but only sometimes.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionTreatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- This wasn't a bad concept; I learned a lot but all the counselors I saw held no more than Master's Degrees and weren't very effective. Luckily I took the concepts presented to me and am trying to use them out in the real world.
- Elavil Not Working
- I stopped taking this medication as soon as I could. Although it may have helped with my depression a bit, it contributed to way too much weight gain I'm still trying to work off.
- Lexapro Not Working
- It gave me the dreaded sexual side effects, just as all other SSRIs I've tried do.
- Prozac Working / Worked
- This medication actually worked well but the sexual side effects were too severe to continue taking it.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- For me, it all depends on the individual you're working with. My first was a Nurse Psychotherapist who was wonderful, but she was followed by a series of Master's Degree holders who just didn't have the capability to help me. Because I can't afford anything better at the moment, I'm on a Meds Only program at the counseling center I went through three counselors (one switch was due to maternity leave) at because I feel I need someone with more education to be effective.
- Wellbutrin Too Soon to Tell
- I just started this medication again thanks to a program through the brand name manufacturer where I can get it for free, thank God. It has worked in the past but I'm jumping back in at my previous 300mg dose and it's causing some side effects that my anti-anxiety medications can't seem to assist with. So far I've split it into two daily doses and that seems to have helped a bit.
- Writing Too Soon to Tell
- I've kept a journal before, but not in a long time. I blog occasionally. I'm still thinking about the optimal way to approach this so it will stick.
Open Diets & Weight Maintenance
I have obesity in my genes but kept my weight at a reasonable level until my dad remarried a much younger woman who was jealous of me. When I discovered boys a few years later, I did whatever I had to to slim down and did. Then I got involved in an unhealthy relationship and when it ended very badly, I gained weight again, went on Atkins and lost most of it, then went off and gained a fair amount back. I'm working on dieting and exercise this time around, the only tried and true method.
Treatments
- Atkins Diet Working / Worked
- It worked until I introduced carbs back into my diet.
- Eat Less Working / Worked
- Of course it works, it's just easier said than done.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- It's tough to make it a habit, but I feel great after a workout so I just keep plugging away, even if I miss a week.
- Slim-Fast Somewhat Helpful
- It's nice to have such an easy option for breakfast and lunch which I might not otherwise eat; I just can't always afford it and don't care for the store brands.
Open Fitness Goals
Type: Maintain a workout scheduleI'm aiming to lose a fairly significant amount of weight gained very quickly, taken off by Atkins and mostly put back on upon ceasing the diet. I've been a member of a great gym for three months now and go at least once or twice a week, but haven't been able to make it enough of a habit to reach my fitness goals.
Treatments
- Elliptical Trainer Working / Worked
- I've recently switched from mostly treadmill to mostly elliptical and am happy with the switch. This is one tough machine to use, though!
- Slim-Fast Working / Worked
- It's great to ensure you eat breakfast and lunch, but I can't always afford it and don't care for the store brands.
- Strength Training Working / Worked
- I'm using the wonderful Strive fitness system at the gym which targets different parts of the same muscles on each machine. I love it and you do see results faster as it claims!
Open Financial Challenges
I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree in History last year. I continued to work for the university in hopes of securing a permanent position, but it didn't work out and I've been unemployed since December. I'm having trouble finding a decent job and do have a couple of setbacks I have to deal with that many don't. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety and this issue is causing great stress in my life and to a certain degree, my relationship as well.
Treatments
- Budgeting Working / Worked
- It can be tough but definitely works.
- Earn Money Working / Worked
- I do every little thing I can to make a little extra such as online surveys, testing products, selling items online, etc.
Open Healthy Relationships
After ending a very unhealthy relationship, not to mention a string of them, and deciding not to seek out a new partner, I randomly met a great guy online. After four months of talking online everyday we added daily phone conversations for three more months, then decided to meet in person. Things went so well I stayed for a month instead of a week and moved to his area two months later! Things have been fantastic but we've developed some issues we're trying to work on.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Considering
- We want to go, it's just a financial issue at this point.
- Patience Too Soon to Tell
- I've just begun really starting to try and have more patience with my boyfriend and myself.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- It doesn't qualify as talking when only one person speaks and sometimes this is a problem.
- Writing Considering
- I've done it in the past and am considering starting to journal (or blog) again.
Open Healthy Sex
My boyfriend and I's sex life was amazing and unstoppable during our first couple of years, but issues with the relationship and my body image have made it less enjoyable.
Treatments
- Patience Too Soon to Tell
- I'm working on getting in shape so I can feel better about myself and become the wild woman I once was!
Open Loneliness
I moved 1500 miles away from home to be with my now boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, but despite going to and working at the university here in town I haven't really made any friends besides the ones I inherited from my boyfriend. Since I graduated and ran out of temporary work time there, I've been looking for a job and become quite lonely in the process. All I have is my boyfriend who works hard and my cyberlife.
Open Seasonal Affective Disorder
bouncingsoul hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Insomnia
Too many stressful things going on in my life right now and it's disturbing my sleep cycle. I've been staying up until around 3am without any desire to go to sleep.
Treatments
- Trazodone Too Soon to Tell
- Just took my first 50mg dose last night. I fell asleep fast, stayed asleep, had a good dream and woke up feeling just a little groggy.
