Haidey21Hollow's Journal

Sometimes when i get so low down in this pitch black hole like i am now i often ask myself "what if i wasn't here anymore?..." i ask myself time and time again what is there out there worth living for?..I feel so numb all the time its not even funny..i feel like im stuck in a dark well where no one would ever care to look..this well is cold and lonely..it feels bitter and broken almost to the point where the rotting smell of hate sufficates me..i choke on my own strenght trying to breath in the air of purity and love..everytime i try to climb out of this dim and dark place i always fall straight back to the bottem..everyday stuck down here the cap of the well closes me off from the civilized world and the people who were once around me...this numbness is consuming my body making me feel alone on this inside and rips my heart out to the point of fatality..why am i like this? how did this happen to me?..i know im not alone but i feel so consumed with rejection bitterness and hate that i myself dont even reconize me....i sit here and ponder my thoughts my dreams...but i cant find anything that really makes me happy...i feel like dying would be the best for me..if i wasnt here anymore then i wouldnt have to worry about being happy, making others happy..trying to make things run smoothly...i wouldn have to worry about getting hurt hurting others or even causing people to worry...people tell me they want to take care of me....but how can they if i dont want to open up to others?..im just tired of this all im tired of life im tired of living and im tired of bullshit!!!!!!