Friday August 21st -- Rain Delay
August 21, 2009 1:48pm
Well, folks, since I took a break from mowing BEFORE I finished a BIG STORM sneaked up on me when I went back outside. And despite having that Kubota …
CowgirlKathi
10:08am, August 31, 2008
-
About Me
CowgirlKathi
-
About Me
I am a young 55 and having the best time of my life! Semi-retired; a writer, artist and horsewoman. I live on my own 7 acres of paradise in the country with my horses, cats and the Man of My Dreams whom I met on eHarmony.com in July 2007. Life DOES go on! And sometimes, it's better than you every dreamed it could be.
I am a young 55 and having the best time of my life! Semi-retired; a writer, artist and horsewoman. I live on my own 7 acres of paradise in the country with my horses, cats and the Man of My Dreams whom I met on eHarmony.com in July 2007. Life DOES go on! And sometimes, it's better than you every dreamed it could be.
-
Interests
Anything artistic and/or creative! I work in polymer clay and am currently making jewelry from all the seaglass collected on my trips to the Caribbean since 2000. An avid reader, I literally EAT BOOKS! Anything by Jodi Picoult, James Patterson and David Baldacci are devoured in 2 days or less. FLYING with Tom; travel to just about anywhere; and, of course, riding my two wonderful Tennessee Walking Horses.
Anything artistic and/or creative! I work in polymer clay and am currently making jewelry from all the
-
-
Recent Activity
Recently:
-
9 journal comments, 5 hugs received, 2 hugs given, 1 photo upload
Today
-
CowgirlKathi and howtocope are now friends 6:59am
-
CowgirlKathi gave tryn2bhappy a hug 4:23am
Happy Turkey Day to you, too,my friend. Make the best of it! Have two slices of pie!…
Monday
-
CowgirlKathi and Lily61 are now friends 7:26pm
-
CowgirlKathi commented on Jaws50’s journal entry What a fool 6:23am
Duvall06 those are the KEYWORDS of life: " My happiness does not depend on another's happiness." And…
-
CowgirlKathi commented on MsViv’s journal entry How? 6:16am
MsViv When I was going it alone out here on the FARM in my 18 Months of Hell, I found myself in many…
-
-
Journal
This entry is private
-
-
A Very Weird Thing Happened on July 5, 2009
July 7, 2009 8:19am
I have to share this very weird thing that happened last evening...
Tom and I got back from Deep Creek around 2:30 Sunday afternoon. We had …
-
A Sunday Morning Update - Part I
June 7, 2009 7:53am
Another long-overdue update...not much time in Spring for keeping a Journal online. The last month (when it's not raining) it seems all I do is …
-
Springtime at Smallville
April 22, 2009 9:26am
Good morning my D.S. Friends!
I apologize for the lack of updates...it's been a long winter and now it's Spring and NOW I've got more …
-
Hugbook
-
Hug
HAPPY THANKSGIVING .. ENJOY THE DAY.. TALK SOON
Hug
Thank you for the post to my journal. I know you're right and I feel very good about not dignifying his ridiculous email with a reply. I don't owe him any explanations, I don't owe him anything at all - I'm doing what I have to do. thanks for still being there for me, big hugs to you.
Hug
Dear Kathy: your kind words and support this week were GREATLY appreicated and helped me get through a very rough week. I LOVE the photos you have. I think this weekend I will try to post some too, I have a GRAY cat named "hey boo boo" - and life is good today. again, thank you soooo much Laura (strongagain)
Rainbow
Thank you for reading my journal and the encouragement. It is nice to be in this place right now. I am hoping I can continue to hold on to this inner peace..I hope you are doing well? Big hugs to you my wonderful friend..
-
Hug
Thank you for reading my journal and the encouragement. It is nice to be in this place right now. I am hoping I can continue to hold on to this inner peace..I hope you are doing well? Big hugs to you my wonderful friend..
-
Photos
-
Advertisement -
Support Groups
Close Breakups & Divorce
In August 2005, I was drop-kicked by the man I had spent 30 years of my life with. When I discovered the truth (ANOTHER WOMAN) I was fueled with righteous anger. God gave me the wisdom and strength to find a good therapist AND an excellent lawyer. My therapist kept me from losing my mind and my attorney kept me from committing homicide -- she worked hard over 18 months to get the "Cowardly Liar" to settle on MY TERMS.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Not Working
- Many times over our 30-year relationship I would suggest counseling. However, the ex would NEVER agree to go. I went into counseling on my own in hopes it would help me figure out how to deal with HIS ISSUES. Unfortuntely, couples counseling can only work when BOTH PARTIES participate in it.
- Family Therapy Working / Worked
- (see Couples Couseling remarks)
- Forgiveness Considering
- It took me a long time to realize that before I could forgive him, I had to FORGIVE MYSELF. Now (close to 2 years post-divorce) I can at least forgive the ex for being stupid. All-out forgiveness may take awhile, as the wound of betrayal is the hardest to heal.
- Leave Working / Worked
- I took a number of trips during the separation to visit with old friends on both sides of the U.S. Their love and support was invaluable and the time away from home gave me a little breathing space. It was very difficult when returning home, but in retrospect, those little get-aways gave me renewed energy to continue the long battle.
- Love Not Working
- In retrospect, I can see that I was the only one who was really "in the marriage." I loved my ex without reservation. I understand now that he was never truly committed to the marriage.
- Music Working / Worked
- While I normally operate with just the sounds of nature out here in the country, music DOES help lighten moods. I listened to soothing music at night to help me get to sleep.
- Pets Working / Worked
- Were it not for my pets, I'm not sure how I would have survived the abandonment and betrayal. Having them to care for (2 horses and 2 cats) kept me in (at least) some kind of stable routine during the worst 18 months of my life (hereinafter referred to as the 18 Months of Hell).
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- My therapist literally saved my life and helped me keep my head on straight during the 18 months of Hell.
- Reading Working / Worked
- Having always been an avid reader, this was tremendously helpful. Fiction provides a welcome escape from current reality. Reading self-help books and accounts of other peoples' experiences in difficult times gave creedence to my own feelings during my bad time.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Break-up of a long-term marriage has a strange effect on friendships with other long-term married friends. Long story short: something like this definitely separates the TRUE BLUE FRIENDS from the ones who were really just "social friends."
- Support Groups Working / Worked
- I joined the local chapter of a divorce support group which met weekly. It provided a forum for working through the pain and keeping faith in the worst of times.
- Talking Working / Worked
- Women must talk! That's how we work through most of our life's difficulties. I thank God for all my friends who listened without making judgements and who checked in on me (sometimes daily) to make sure I was eating and functioning.
- Time Working / Worked
- While 18 months seems like a very long time, the 18 months SINCE getting a final divorce has gone by much more quickly. While I'm still not to the point where I am able to really forgive what my ex did to me, it hurts a little less each day. Perhaps one day (5 years from now?) I might actually be able to thank him for leaving so that I was able to see how cruel he truly was to me and to finally be free of the emotional abuse which I denied for so many years.
Close Life After Divorce
After 18 months of Hell, my divorce was final on March 15, 2007. Somehow, once the "battle" was over, I was more depressed than ever -- it was that the reality of a divorce I didn't want finally set in.
Open Infidelity
Three months after my ex flew the coop I uncovered the real reason for him leaving...he had been carrying on with a co-worker for God only knows how long. He still denies it -- even though the O.W. fessed up in Divorce Court (she was MY WITNESS).
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Working / Worked
- The ex refused to get counseling --either with me or by himself. I continued with a Therapist for the 18 Months of Hell it took to divorce the bastard.
- Divorce Working / Worked
- When I discovered his infidelity, after having him continually lie to me about it, I decided there was NO WAY I wanted to be married to him anymore...nor any COWARD like him.
Open Healthy Relationships
It took me 18 Months of Hell while securing a divorce from my husband of 25 years to realize and understand what an UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP I had been in. The new man in my life had a similar background and we have vowed to keep our new relationship healthy for the rest of our lives.
Treatments
- Couples Counseling Working / Worked
- Tom and I both did a lot of hard work in therapy when our respective marriages ended. We also met with each of our therapists as a new couple, not long after we met. They are both happy for us; gave us the "seal of approval" and assured us they are there for us if we ever need them.
- Patience Working / Worked
- We are both aware that sometimes, we react out of our "conditioning" -- and lose our sensitivity to what is happening right now.
- Talking Working / Worked
- We talk all the time about all sorts of things; most of all OUR FEELINGS. There is no feeling of fear; we are open with each other at all times. If something comes up for either one of us and it doesn't feel quite right, we sit down and chat. This keeps the lines of communication open and we both always feel better immediately.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Coincidentally, Tom was also a journal keeper long before I met him; I have journaled since the early 1970's. I am very active on Daily Strength, too, and do my best to use the wisdom of my experience to help others.
