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kswat 
12:53pm, March 27, 2009
I am at my wits end. I don't know how to deal with things anymore. Sometimes I think I should just give up on everything. My 2yr old has been acting up horribly since his dad went to jail in June. How am I going to do it on my own especially if he gets the max sentence. Today alone he has broken half a dozen eggs on the floor at different times, thrown several tantrums, won't listen at all to me the only one that he will listen to is his father and I have no idea when he will ever be home, got into the shortening and put it everywhere. Why do I feel like life is out of control. I can't do anything right anymore and I feel like a failure as a parent. I wish I had a ride to the jail tonight but unfortunatelly I don't. If I could see him or talk to him I would feel so much better. I miss him so damn much, I just need him here to hold me and let me know everything will be alright. I keep having horrible thoughts about the people that accused him. I want them to pay for what they have done to my familly. I know it's wrong to think that but when you feel like life isn't even worth living anymore, you just don't think rationally. I would never do anything stupid but I just have crazy thoughts sometimes. I feel like drowning and I can't come up for air. God when will life ever go back to normal.
Comments
I am sure you are overwhelmed with your life right now. Not having that extra pair of hands around is most difficult. It's easy to say, but the days really do get better~~not easier, but a little better. I think we start to see things from a different perspective. I know I felt like my son had died~~the shock was so very great! Drowning is a perfect way to describe your feelings. Taking care of a little one is a challenge in itself. I make myself come to work to rest my mind~~ordinary life becomes a distraction. Just know we are all here for you......whenever you like.....................best wishes, sweetie...........Barbara
flmombs