lemonea's Journal

Haven't been around much lately.  Sorry about that.

Since graduation, I've been pretty busy.  

I moved back home with my parents because I could no longer afford to live on my own.  It's only temporary, but is so hard.  I love my family, but living with them again is hard. They don't know about my depression, or at least not much, so the constant trying to show I'm alright is exhausting.  Not to mention the sudden loss of independence and all of that. 

I started my first nursing job a few weeks ago. Orientation was exhausting (learning all the hospital policies, equipment, etc) but I made some wonderful friends in the new interns.  Or at least I hope they turn out to be great, life-long friends.  But we'll see. You never know who's got your back when it counts until something happens...but I hope my relationships with these people turn out to be good ones. The job itself is alright.  Not exactly what I thought it was going to be, but I think the more I learn and the more comfortable I feel in my role on the unit, the happier I'll be.  For now, I'm mostly just exhausted, overwhelmed, and trying to learn as much as possible.  

I miss some of my school friends. I don't see most of them much. In fact, I only see Alyse because she works at the same hospital, and I talk to Matt all the time.  Other than that I don't talk to them much or see them.  I feel like I need to make more of an effort, but am slightly resentful that they aren't making that effort either.  I just need to keep reminding myself that we are all busy, adjusting to being new nurses, and such.  It'll take some time to calm down and feel like a routine. 

I'm feeling very stable lately.  Which is wonderful and scary rolled into one. I'm so scared it won't last forever.  Or rather I know it won't last forever, just dreading that fall.  But for now I have hope.  I can see the positive strides I've made, the tools I've learned to use.  I'm starting to believe I really can handle what comes next.  I'm finally feeling a push towards a better, happier place.  It feels good. 

If you've stuck with this whole thing, thanks for reading.  While I haven't been around that much, I do think of you and this place often.