Journal

For about the last year my older sister has been real sick and losing weight and her doctor has not been able to diagnose.  Last week I got a call from my mom saying that she was being tested for cancer and having biopsies done and they found that she had colorectal cancer and my mom told me that they were trying to treat with chemo.   I had vacation scheduled for this week and so I took my wife and kids to see my family knowing I could only make one trip and decided that I wanted to see her alive instead of a funeral.  When I got thereI went to talk to my older brother because my parents have never told me everything with something like this and what they had told me in those cases is usually sugar coated.  My brother told me it is stage four in her colon, rectum, liver, kidneys and probably brain.  I have not seen my sister as well as most of my family in 2 1/2 years because i live in florida and they live in kentucky and illinois.

 When I got to my sisters house she was in the bathroom and when she came out I almost freaked out.  She was always about 250pounds,  now she is maybe 85 pounds and looks about 80 years old when she is 41.  I held my feelings inside when around her but i had to go in and out when i was with her because it tears me up to see her like this.  On top of all this there is a bunch of family bullshit between my other siblings and parents.  I have many stress related illnesses.  And this was all causing me to stress out and my wife and I decided to leave mid week to avoid the stress.  I am not doing well at all with the family turmoil and it's killing me because I know that I have seen her for the last time and my sister and were pretty close.