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Fantonme 
4:44pm Monday
I had the strangest dream last night. I had a dream that all of our babies (all of us at DS) were buried in the same cemetery. I was on my way to go visit Joey and saw all of you at the cemetery. Everyone was there visiting their babies. It was so heartbreaking. I remember someone showing me around the cemetery and they were all babies lost to Sids. It was the strangest thing. It was so sad, but in a way felt comforting that Joey was surrounded by all these other precious babies that had passed from the same thing.
Well I am so glad this week is over. It has been a very long week. It started out with a wind storm on Sunday that knocked our electric out for 2 days. No electric with 2 kids under the age of five is no fun. We ended up going up to my parents for a night.
I also started my kids at a new daycare after everything happend with Joey, because it was too hard for me to go back there. I don't think badly at all of the woman that took care of my kids, she is still like family. But it is just so hard to return there without Joey. There are just too many memories. Well the kids ended up having to go there twice this week due to a family emergency at the new daycare. The kids miss it so much and want to go back. Now I don't know what to do. I know she loves my kids and I know that my kids want to go back, but it is so much easier on me to go to the new daycare. I guess I need to suck it up and do whats best for my kids.
Have been having a hard time sleeping at night too. Seems like I am up every couple hours. By the time I settle down at night, so many things are running through my head. I feel so overwhelmed at times.
Really want to talk to Kevin (my husband) this weekend about trying for another baby. He really wants to wait until next winter to try, but the more I think about it, the more I want to start trying this winter. I just don't think I can wait two years to hold another baby. I guess I am just scared that he won't feel the same way as I do.
Looks like they are getting ready to pour the footer and Joey's site. I can't wait to get his stone up there. I have a pumpkin that I planted when he was in my tummy that I am going to put up there for halloween. Just seems so unfair to have to celebrate 1st holidays at the cemetery!!!
Well I guess I need to get some work done!
Comments
I know what you mean about the holidays. That sounds like a comforting dream. I hope you have a good day.
mommyoflily
oh hon, i know it's got to be hard with the daycare. hang in there hon
Moosesmom
The dream sounds so sweet,sad but sweet. I beleive they might all be together of course in Heaven. I think when we all get there we will meet up all the DS moms with our babies and it will be so wonderful!
As for the daycare,I can only imagine how hard it would be for you to go there. I think you are a great mom and I know you are trying to do what is best for your children. I pray you find a solution that works both for your heart and feelings and the kids as well. Hugs and love
katemc
My grandson also died at his babysitters who is also my niece. I would pick James up from there everyday after I worked. I watched him until my daughter got done with work since she works later than me. I went there once and my great-niece (my niece's daughter) said to me, "What's are you doing here, James isn't here." That was the last time I was there and just can't go there again. The memories are just too much for me to cope with. It's hard since my other family members don't understand my feelings but I just can't help it.
ckdeedee