DiRN's Journal

OK, I've written some long journals before, but this is the longest. It is the first chapter in my book about Kylie and her miracles, called WONDERFULLY MADE.  So please take a moment, or ten and read it. Love and Blessings, Diane

MIRACLES HAPPEN

Diane's journal entry 8-26-09

The Webster's New College dictionary defines a miracle as: an extraordinary event that cannot be explained except by divine or supernatural intervention. The second definition is “a marvelous or wonderful event.”

I have always believed in miracles on some basic level. Early on in my nursing career, 30 years ago I was witness to a few. Rarely, somebody would defy all of the doctors and survive. One woman in particular I remember. She was young, early 20's, had a new baby and developed a rare and difficult to treat form of cancer called choriocarcinoma. After one year of treatment, the cancer was all through her body, brain, bones, lung, liver, just everywhere. She was a goner but refused to give up. Her cancer doctor or oncologist searched everywhere and came up with this witches brew of a chemotherapy protocol. It was 7 or 8 different drugs, high dose and and high frequency, The chemotherapy practically killed her, she was so sick. But it worked, she's alive, no recurrences. A miracle of science, right?

She didn't think so. She told me of a church she had started going to whose members sincerely believed in the power of prayer. In between the second and third rounds of chemotherapy, they had gathered together, laid their hands on her and prayed for her a long time. “Diane, I felt the change and I KNEW I was going to be healed. It was like a heat all throughout my body and then waves of peace and joy spread through me.” She had started to improve soon after this prayer session...but I was unimpressed. I was an agnostic at the time. I didn't deny that there was a possibility of a Divine Whatever that some people called God. I didn't think they could prove It existed either. It really didn't make that much difference to me.

There were a couple others... a person in a coma that woke up unexpectedly after 3 months. There was a baby with leukemia, he was hospitalized for almost two years and finally beat the cancer. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for these people. There's nothing I like better than to see people I am caring for get well! I just went with what the doctors told me which is basically “These things happen sometimes.” I sound pretty stupid or at least gullible. I was very young, early 20's and believed that physicians knew everything at this point in my life. You can't put an old head on young shoulders, as the old adage goes.

Then I went to college. I know, you're supposed to go to college, then start your career, but I never have done things the usual way. I had my LPN certification but when I came back from maternity leave after having my daughter Beth, the decision had been made to lay off all of the LPNs. So, there I was, brand new baby, bills, and no job. 6 months later the only things that had changed is my unemployment had run out and I had more bills. So, I took Ron by the hand (he was three), and put Beth on my hip and we entered the “ivied halls of academia” together. That is a whole different story.

There were a couple of miracles that popped up during this phase of my life. First miracle, I was a heck of a lot smarter than anybody ever gave me credit for, including myself. Second, the government paid for most of my education. There's something good about being independently broke! :) Third, we all survived this trip into academia, though I don't think the University of Toledo has ever quite recovered from the three of us :)

A BSN or Bachelor of Science, Nursing degree gives you two things, permission to take the licensing examination to become a Registered nurse and a Bachelors degree in Science. I knew quite a bit about being a nurse but in order to get into the nursing classes, I had to pass a WHOLE lot of science classes. Not just pass them but do really well in them.

My clearest memory of high school science class was when I let my experiment with Potassium Iodide overheat and created a purple genie of toxic gas. Probably this was one of the clearest memories of my Chemistry teacher's too, come to think of it! She stood next to me saying “Diane, you are an intelligent girl and I know you will figure out what to do before we have to evacuate the classroom.” My response was“No, I'm not, I'm a DINGBAT, tell me what to DO!!!” :D We had that conversation several times over the next few minutes. I FINALLY figured the whole thing out. The genie went harmlessly back into into the beaker and life was good. Needless to say, I didn't have much faith in my scientific abilities. Potassium Iodide...I think the Nazis used that early on to gas people in the concentration camps...? Why were they letting flighty little girls play with that stuff in the first place?!!!

Any rate, here I am in a cellular biology class, scared out of my knickers, trying to keep my head above water and not fail. I spent a lot of time pondering what made me think I could do this in the first place..I had to have been out of my mind. But then the prof began talking about theories of the beginning of life.

There is a frequently cited experiment where some scientists took methane and water, sealed it up and shot electricity through it. What they got when they opened it back up were some compounds that if they hooked up properly could become amino acids, the building blocks of proteins. And if the amino acids hooked up just right, then you would have proteins. And if the proteins hooked up just right, shazam, you could get tissue. And if the tissues hooked up just right...Life. Cue up “Thus Spake Zalathustra” from 2001, a Space Odyssey. And the anaerobic algae mats yield oxygen which leads to aerobic, oxygen breathing algae and so on and so on, until we hit the highest point of human development, Scientific Truth.

Now I may not have been the sharpest tool in the scientific shed at that point, but this seemed implausible to me. I am the result of an interaction between swamp gas, lightening, water and a WHOLE lot of luck? It reminded me of one of my favorite cartoons. You have a scientist and he is writing out this long string of equations, numbers and symbols all over the place. He has Step A on one blackboard, and Step C on another. And on the center chalkboard Step B described by four words: Then a miracle occurred.. The caption? “I think you need to work on Step B.”

I began to look for examples of these “Everyday Miracles” and I found them everywhere. The fact that we are alive is a major miracle. If we had to think and cause everything that occurs in our body automatically, we would literally be dead in less than ten minutes. It would be hard enough just keeping our heart beating, breathing, and making sure that 5% of our red blood cells were dropping off their oxygen appropriately. In my opinion, this type of complexity doesn't happen by accident or luck. I came to the conclusion that it had to be due to Something divine or supernatural. This theory had already been developed and is called “Intelligent Design”.

Until recently, Intelligent Design was considered a wishful thinking theory for people who did not have the brains or guts to let go of their religious convictions and embrace the Truth of Science. Play “Thus Spake Zalathustra” again. However, in 2009, Intelligent Design is the “new idea”. Scientists are coming to the conclusion that yes, it IS the only way that explains the complexity and wonders of the universe. Maybe I was a brighter bulb on the scientific Christmas tree than I thought I was back then!

Thank God we learn and mature! Since that time 24 years ago, I have accepted Jesus, raised my family in the Christian faith and tried to live my life the way God wanted me too. Oh, there have been some epic blunders and mistakes, but eventually I come back to my core beliefs. There is a God. God loves us. He sent his son Jesus to rescue us by dying for our sins. Because of Jesus' willing sacrifice of his life, I am saved from death by grace. I cannot earn this grace by my own works, it is a gift. I can approach God, even though I am still a screw up and a ding bat at times. I am definitely not the brightest bulb on God's Christmas tree! God has a plan for me and it is a plan to benefit me, to help me, to give me peace. Prayers are answered, and it is a powerful force that works in the world. That no matter what happens to my body, my soul is eternal and someday I will get to go “home” and be with God forever.

I begged God for a miracle back in September of 2004. People all over the world joined my family in prayer and our prayers were answered. See, we discovered that Ron had an inoperable cancerous tumor in his chest. It was all tangled up in his cardiac circulation. His heart was failing. We were told that he would die in 4 to 6 weeks. I begged God for my son's life “Please God, if you need to take one of us, take me! Just let my son live. I'll never ask you for another miracle again. Please, Please, PLEASE” This miracle happened, the chemotherapy worked and Ron is with us today. I consider that a major, Capital M type of miracle.

Other thoughts on God's Miracles, the capital M, huge type of miracles:

Thank God I don't serve a “One miracle per customer” deity. Because four years later, I was back on my knees praying and crying out for God to help Ron's daughter. I've pretty much spent the past year praying or worrying about her. And he has blessed us with a whole LONG chain of miracles, the topic of this book.

God appreciates honesty in our relationship. He knows my thoughts, it is senseless to try and cover up my true feelings.

You are the one that gets hacked off and goes storming away from God. He won't go storming away from you. There may be some punishment involved so that you learn what you need to learn but He is always there and willing to take you back. You just have to apologize and try to do better.

It is wondrous and awesome and kind of scary too to realize that the Lord and Creator of everything is taking a personal interest in your life. I have felt very small yet very important in the great scheme of things throughout this journey. I guess it is another paradox.

The big, capital M, Miracles don't happen when things are going well. You don't NEED a big miracle when things are fine, the everyday miracles will serve. But when you are out beyond the limit of your strength and courage, beyond the place where science and technology can help, so far away from your comfort zone that you don't even know what direction to turn to find it, God steps in. And in this dark, scary place, the really BIG miracles happen. They happen all the time.